Kanye West, Nazi sympathizers, Speaker of the House Marjorie Taylor Greene, Shingles! It’s all very tiring and then add to that we are facing yet another Holiday Season with Covid. So it’s time to put down that box of tangled Christmas lights, throw that Elf on a Shelf into the fireplace, pour yourself another glass of extra rum-spiked eggnog, and watch a Christmas movie. And this year, the Hallmark Channel has made some interesting movies you thought would never be made. So let’s look at our TV Guide and see some descriptions of the special holiday treats the folks at Hallmark have in store for us this December.
A Christmas Karen: It’s Christmas Eve, the busiest day of the year at Palmer’s Grocery Store and Karen is hopping mad and she wants to see the manager NOW! A black individual just took the last Butterball from the freezer and she demands that the last Butterball should go to a white person. Hilarity ensues when Karen returns to work the day after Christmas and discovers that the other customer is the CEO of her company! Happy New Year, Karen!
Christmas at Kari Lake: Kari Lake is usually a very happy place at Christmas but not this year because its namesake is not happy. Why? Well, her Christmas wish of becoming governor just met a little roadblock: the voters. When she threatens to stop all Christmas celebrations unless she is appointed governor she falls asleep on Christmas Eve and is visited by the Ghost of Elections Yet to Come who takes her to a graveyard where she is shown where her political future is buried.
The Indictment Before Christmas: In a twist on the Christmas classic by Clement C. Moore, Donald Trump is startled by a visit from Santa who slides down the chimney with a big surprise for the Orange Fraudcicle, when what to his wondering eyes should appear but Jack Smith with a criminal indictment!
Frosty the Snowman: Don Jr.’s wish comes true when Frosty the drug dealer delivers a pile of snow just in time for Christmas! He’ll never be able to fall asleep this Christmas Eve!
A Greene Christmas: Crazy Town is all excited as Marjorie Taylor Greene has been re-elected to represent them in Congress. But a mysterious letter arrives on Christmas Eve with a shocking revelation: Margie’s GED certificate is a forgery and she is way too stupid to serve!
Herschel Walker’s Sad Christmas: Everyone is excited on Christmas Eve because they know exactly what they want for Christmas. Everyone, that is, but poor Herschel. He just can’t decide, Werewolf or Vampire? All your kids will enjoy this Christmas treat, and maybe some of them are Herschel’s!
These are just a sample of the hundreds of movies Hallmark has lined up for you to enjoy. There are many more like “Sieg Heil! Christmas,” “The Fatherland at Christmas,” and “White Supremacists Holiday.” Just check your local listings for times and channels and if they are legal in your state. Happy Holidays!
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