Archive for February, 2015

I want my country back

Posted: February 27, 2015 in New Post

I’m sad. Usually, humor is my way of facing the terrible things in the world. But today, I do not feel humorous. I’m sad.

My parents were first generation Americans, battered by the great depression, hardened by the personal losses of war, yet open to the possibilities of the future. For their time, they were progressives. My mother was a political firebrand dedicated to the principles of the New Deal and ready to do battle with anyone who would threaten it. In our kitchen hung two portraits, one of Jesus and one of President Roosevelt. It was not my imagination that FDR’s hung just slightly higher.

It was in this backdrop I was raised to work hard, make the best of what talents I had, and above all, be generous to people who have not been as fortunate. Above all, never forget the promise that was America. Never forget the hope that brought their parents here, and always respect the government and institutions that guaranteed those possibilities. Yes, it was a flawed system, but, my mother, paraphrasing Winston Churchill, would always say “all the others are so much worse”. My parents passed on, but their lessons are seared in my heart forever.

I am sad today because we live in an America where the possibilities of my parents’ generation are seriously diminished. The great middle class is under attack, but this time the attack is being aided and abetted by the indifference of our electorate and the virtual disappearance of an analytical press.

Since 9/11, we have become a nation of fear. Fear of Islam, fear of immigrants, fear of anything that is not white America. This is not the culture that nourished me, taught me to think and reason for myself, to participate in the democracy my father and uncles fought and died for. This is a culture of hate, feed by the idolatry of power and the greed of lawless oil and war profiteers. Bush’s disregard for the rule of law, Cheney’s criminal support of torture, and Rumsfeld’s cavalier attitude to the destructive nature of war is blithely flipped off as just politics as usual. Instead of being taken to the Hague to account for their crimes, they are given speaking fees and cable news contracts.

At home, republicans and blue dog democrats have made an almost daily ritual of attacking the foundations of the New Deal and Great Society. We watch Wall Street strip away any semblance of fairness and honesty in relentless pursuit and acquisition of wealth. At the same time, our politicians blame the consequences of this greed on the poor, the old, the hungry, and the homeless. We are told daily by conservatives that hard work will always reward you with success while poverty is the natural punishment of the lazy. Governors like Scott Walker take pride in the destruction of the middle class and the unions that helped make it great. He compares its defenders to terrorists, yet I knew its defenders to be veterans who fought to save democracy and returned home to quietly rebuild a nation. Governors like Rick Scott see evil in the right to vote and seeks to remove this most precious right from the legacy of these veterans. Governors like Rick Perry who refused to allow his fellow citizens to have the same access to a doctor that he enjoys. Stubbornly he resisted the expansion of Medicaid in the name of some cynical interpretation of what he calls “liberty”.  Yet there can be no liberty in watching a fellow human die to serve your perverted ideology.

Watching this all unravel is an electorate who largely sit idly by content to obsess about the Oscars, Brian Williams’ misstatements,  and how close Bill O’Reilly got to Maggie Thatcher’s version of War Lords. In 2014, only 36.4% of the voting eligible population bothered to leave the couch. The most cited reason? No time in our schedules. I wonder where the men and women who served to protect these rights found time in their schedules. My parents are dead or I would ask them, although I can imagine the response. So we allow our government to be over run by the Tea Party John Birch Society while we find the time in our schedules to spend hours on Twitter debating the color of a dress. In the mean time, the press, the Fourth Estate, instead of safeguarding our democracy by critically rendering the truth through thorough journalism, instead is reduced to the likes of Chuck Todd. Mr. Todd summed up the state of our press by instructing us that we should not expect the press to correct falsehoods. Really, Mr. Todd? We have now become so lazy and complacent that we no longer are required to seek the truth. Well of course, Mr. Todd has no time to seek the truth because he’s due in makeup in five minutes. I wonder what would have happened if my parents’ generation said “it’s not my job to stop Hitler”. Enough said.

So, today I cannot find any humor in the death of democracy in America. I am sad. I am sad that because today the rabble will cheer at CPAC for every speaker who wants to kill a union, destroy a living wage, or punish the poor because they are poor. I am sad because today the media will report on this thinly veiled KKK meeting as important and exciting. I am sad that no one who listens to those reports will care enough to listen to what they are really saying. I am sad that no one cares. I am sad that the country I grew up in is dying.

On Episode 323 of the Tim Corrimal Show, the Clown Car reminded us that more is not necessarily better because this week we were treated to the latest incarnation of the Bush Dynasty. For those of you who may not know, the Bush Dynasty is like the Duck Dynasty but with better hygiene.  Jeb Bush, moving ever closer to inflicting himself on America, felt the need this week to give us his vision for American foreign policy, which was less vision and more macular degeneration.  While attacking President Obama’s policies he also tried to distance himself from Bushes 41 and 43. “I’m my own man” he declared. Then the potential “Bush 45” named 19 of the previous Bush advisers  to his foreign policy team.

Now keep in mind, Jeb is touted to be the “smart Bush” which is sort of like saying that crabs are the good STD. And like crabs, Bushes keep multiplying and occupying an uncomfortable place in your life.  To demonstrate his mastery of the foreign policy thing, he warned on Wednesday that ISIS has 200,000 fighters on ground in Iraq and Syria, referred to Boko Haram as “Beau-coup Haram.”, and mixed up Iran and Iraq. Later his PR team clarified that the actual number of ISIS fighters is closer to 20,000, and Iran and Iraq both start with “I” and are easily confused by anyone looking at a globe for the first time. As far as “Beau-coup Haram”, the spin doctors reminded us that Jeb was speaking French and referring to the many harems in the Middle East.  And as far as ISIS, his solution would be to “take them out”. The vagueness of that approach left reporters wondering whether that meant killing them or dinner and a movie. If you are still a bit jittery about Bush 3, Jeb wants you to know that he is aware that “mistakes were made” in Iraq but would never repeat them because now he knows where to find the WMD’s. They are in North Korea. Are you feeling safer yet?

So how will his administration be different than that of the first two Bushes? First, he points out that his name is Jeb, not George. Second, in order to avoid unwanted media scrutiny, he will only invade countries on Superbowl Sunday during the half-time show. Third, he will never erect a “Mission Accomplished” banner until he’s out of office and a democrat actually finishes the mission.

All that’s left now is for Jeb to name Liz Cheney as his VP, which would add world class torture expertise to the foreign policy team. It will also allow him to avail himself of hundreds of thousands of old Bush/Cheney campaign buttons. Yes, Bush 3 has all the promise of Nightmare on Elm Street 3 with a familiar cast returning to haunt your dreams and bankrupt the country in the process. So when the GOP tries to tell you that this Bush is different than the last Bush, take a tip from Freddy Krueger and whatever you do, don’t fall asleep!

It was reported this week by Mother Jones reporter David Corn that Bill O’Reilly has told some tall stories over the years, greatly exaggerating his exploits as a “war correspondent”. With his usual bluster, Bill fired back with a barrage of name calling in order to counter the criticism that he is a total hypocrite for eviscerating Brian Williams when he himself has some explaining to do.  Well, at the risk of being called a despicable guttersnipe, I have uncovered some additional tall stories Mr. Corn may have overlooked. Here then is the complete history of Bill O’Reilly, War Correspondent.

THE BATTLE AT ZAMA

It was at the Battle of Zama that the great Carthaginian leader Hannibal met defeat at the hands of the Romans. Not many historians note, however, that embedded with the Carthaginian troops was a young war correspondent who would soon become the stuff of legends, Bill O’Reilly. As history tells us, the Carthaginians were greatly outnumbered and for the first time in his life, Hannibal was unable to come up with a strategy. It was then that fate intervened and Bill O’Reilly came up with a solution. “Elephants”, Bill remembers telling the general, “Send your elephants charging at the Romans and they’ll shit their liberal Roman pants!” Well, Hannibal did just that, but the results were not as expected. As it turns out, the beasts were more afraid of the Romans than the Romans were of them and they ran off, leaving Hannibal in defeat. But Bill still managed to film a stand up report from the scene while at the same time rescuing his cameraman from under a dead pachyderm. Thus, the legend began!

THE BATTLE OF MARATHON

The battle of Marathon pitted the superior Persian army against a rag-tag army of Greeks armed with crude weapons. But the Greeks had a weapon more powerful than anything the Persians could imagine, war correspondent Bill O’Reilly. Embedded with the Greek forces, Bill is credited with the idea of using a wooden horse to sneak into Troy. As a result the Greeks ultimately defeated the Persians, and Bill ran 26 miles back to Athens to file his report. On the way, he rescued his cameraman from under a dead Persian soldier, dragging him to safety. “It was like running a marathon to get here,” Bill exclaimed, “but the story must be told!” So not only did Bill win the war for the Greeks and save the life of his cameraman, he invented the modern day marathon.

THE BATTLE AT HASTINGS

Now as you all recall, Hastings is where William of Normandy defeated King Harold II of England.  And yes, veteran war correspondent Bill O’Reilly was there when Anglo-Saxon was not a dirty word to the politically correct liberal elite. Now, at first it looked like Harold was winning when William cut and ran. Now, Bill, knowing that no great leader would cut and run, tried to warn Harold that it was a trick. But Harold foolishly ignored Bill’s sage advise and ran after William. It was then that William turned and defeated Harold in a the bloody battle of Hastings. Bill O’Reilly was the first correspondent to interview the new King of England. During the interview Bill convinced William to release his cameraman who was taken hostage during the battle. Thanking him, Bill said “William, you are a true conqueror!” And hence William the Conqueror took his place in history with the help of Bill O’Reilly.

LEXINGTON AND CONCORD

We have all heard about the “shot that was heard around the world”, but did you know who fired that shot? Well, it was war correspondent Bill O’Reilly. Bill was embedded with the forces of Sam Adams in Lexington when this whole revolution thing started. Bill reported as Adams encouraged colonists to rise up against the their British occupiers. Unknown to Adams, the British were on their way to arrest him. What history never reported is that when the British arrived, it was Bil O’Reilly who fired the first shot to save the life of his cameraman who was filming Bill’s stand-up report. In the process, Bill saved Sam Adams and started the American Revolution at the same time. “How about a beer, Sam Adams”, Bill crackled. And so, a new nation and a great beer were born.

THE BATTLE OF GETTYSBURG

The Civil War was a bloody chapter in American history, and the Battle of Gettysburg was its decisive battle. As the forces of the Confederacy, under Gen. Robert E. Lee, tried to push north, they were met with stiff resistance by the Union forces Under Gen. George G. Mead. Embedded with the forces of Gen. Mead was war correspondent Bill O’Reilly. Bill reported as the battle raged for days and Gen. Mead pushed back the Confederates. It was the death notice to the Confederacy, and Bill O’Reilly was there to record it all. During the battle, Bill’s cameraman was injured when a cannon ball hit a tree that fell on him. But Bill courageously pulled him from the battlefield and still filed his report. Upon his return to his Washington bureau, Bill was awarded the Medal of Freedom by President Lincoln. At that event, they exchanged ideas for the new republican party and Lincoln showed interest in continuing the conversation. “Where could I send you correspondence?, Abe asked, “do you have a Gettysburg address?”  Bill just smiled and said to Lincoln “think about that for a moment, Mr. President”. The rest is history.

THE INVASION OF NORMANDY

The decisive invasion of World War II began on June 6, 1944 on the beaches of Normandy. Over 5,000 ships, the largest armada in history, conducted an invasion of proportions never seen before. And embedded with  the troops the entire summer was war correspondent Bill O’Reilly. He reported as the allied troops stormed the beaches and shelled German positions. During the mayhem his cameraman was hit by enemy fire, but he courageously pulled him form the battle and still filed his report. Later that summer, after much of Europe was released from the grasp of the Nazis, Bill met with Gen. Eisenhower who awarded him a  battle ribbon. O’Reilly thanked the general and was quoted as saying, “Wow, that seemed like the longest day”.

So you see, David Corn, you have only told a portion of the story. Bill O’Reilly has done things no man in their right mind would ever think of doing. But then no one ever said Bill was in his right mind. Besides, thinking of doing them seems to be all Bill ever did anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is to be sung to the Sam Cooke classic, “Wonderful World”.

Sing along:

Don’t care much about history
Just the parts about the Kochs and me
Don’t know much about Darwin’s book
Told the Brits I just don’t like to look

But I did drop out of my old school
To become a simple right wing tool
And what a wonderful pres I would be

Don’t care much about geography
Iran and Poland look the same to me
Don’t know much about math you know
Numbers make my balding head explode

I’m not sure that one and one is two
But if you know, maybe give me a clue
And what a wonderful pres I would be

Now I don’t claim to be an “A” student
Fact, I’m not even a “C”
But simply by being an “F” student baby
Right wing crazies fall in love with me!

So to hell with all that history
Teachers are lazy and they all hate me
Don’t care at all about that union hate
‘Long as Kochs call me to say I’m great

And I did drop out of my old school
To become a simple right wing tool
And what a wonderful pres I would be

 

Hate, Lies, and Chain Emails

Posted: February 17, 2015 in New Post

Today I received one of the most offensive emails one can ever receive. It was addressed to “Christians” and urged everyone to pass the email along to other followers of Jesus. In the email, a “Christian” minister, Rick Mathes,  tells the story of a confrontation with a man who he claimed was an “Imam”. It allegedly took place at a training seminar for religious diversity at a correctional facility. Mathes claims that during the confrontation he got the Imam to admit that the goal of Islam is to kill everyone who does not believe in that faith. You can read the entire text here.

This email was offensive on so many levels, but two screamed at me louder than the rest. First, why do people who know me very well send me trash that is designed to offend reasonable people, and spread hate among the ignorant. Second, why is spreading lies and hate such a priority in their lives?

It is no coincidence that this ten year old piece of trash has been resurrected. The recent right wing hair burning over President Obama’s recent remarks at the prayer breakfast has reached bonfire proportions. I find it ironic that the right wing, so outraged that the president would remind us of the past atrocities committed in the name of Christianity, send emails like this that prove his point. As Snoopes.com points out, the piece is inaccurate on many counts, the highlights of which are:

  1. According to two independent sources, the confrontation never took place.
  2. The person whom Mathes claimed to be an Imam was in fact a prisoner who was a Muslim. He was asked to represent the Muslim faith since the organizers were unable to secure the services of an Imam.
  3. Mathes tries to present the religion of Islam as a monolithic entity with one central authority. Anyone who has read the headlines during the last ten years know that nothing can be farther from the truth.

What this proves is that the right’s vision of America is one where we must have a constant enemy (Communism, Islam, immigrants, etc…) and prove our self-conceived exceptionalism through a common expression of hatred and bigotry. And better yet if we can turn this hatred and bigotry into an everlasting military action everywhere and anywhere our hysteria takes us.

This is not only a perversion of what our country is supposed to stand for, but of the very religion in which they claim to seek shelter. After all, their devotion to all things Biblical should remind them of the 9th Commandment “Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor”. It seems Mathes had that one erased from his tablets.

For our country to be exceptional, and for any religion to claim to be righteous they must first live by the ideals they espouse. I fear, however, that instead of “the land of the free and the home of the brave” the right would like to transform us into the “land of the sheep and the home of the afraid”.

The Whacky Week that Was

Posted: February 13, 2015 in New Post

This week the Tim Corrimal Show is on a President’s Weekend hiatis so I have way too much time on my hands. As a result, I thought I would give you a roundup of the weeks big and not-so-big stories floating around the internet tubes this past week. If you really like this, I may consider doing it every week. If you don’t, I still may consdier doing it every week since I basically have no life. So lets get to it, the Whacky Week In Review:

Last Friday we received some very somber news on the economy. Well, by somber I mean for the GOP narrative for the upcoming 2016 election cycle. Since President Obama took office the GOP has brutalized the president for his handling of he economy. Obamacare, overregulation, and his liberal, Kenyan anti-colonialist sentiments would drive the country to hell in a derivatives-basket. Well on Friday we learned that the U S added 257,000 new jobs to the economy. In addition, the number of new jobs added in November and December were revised upward to add an additional 147,000. According to the U S Bureau of Labor Statistics  2014 was the best year for job growth since 1999. Now, you all remember who was president in 1999? Hint, it wasn’t a republican. So what was the republican reaction to all this? “Well, he still hasn’t cured cancer and New England is buried in snow”, reacted one republican who wished to remain totally anonymous and not be identified as a member of the GOP. “The president is trying to distract us from his failure to have the ground hog predict an early spring and stop “Fifty Shades of Grey” from being made into a movie”. “These are the issues the American people are concerned about and he’s done absolutely nothing to resolve them!”, he added.

Portland KKK 1922

Also last Friday, Joe Scarborough had his GOP shorts in a bunch over President Obama’s comments at the national prayer breakfast. Scouring up his best faux outrage, he inveighed against the president’s bringing up the Crusades. As Morning Mika posed and bounced in her chair, the ex-congressman turned blathering head blustered: “You see this when you have people that somehow want to paint a broad brush, ‘yes, Radical Islam’s bad Muslims are bad but look what Christianity does, really, you have to go back 700, 800, 900 years?” Actually we only have to go back to July 20, 2001 to find Lori Klausutis dead on your office floor, but I digress. First Joey, going back 900 years is your party’s platform, so yes, I think it’s not only fair, but timely. Second, you conveniently left out all those uncomfortable “slavery as justified in the Bible” parts and lynchings of blacks by nice Christian white folks. As Mika always says, “Oh, Joe…”

On Sunday Alabama’s Chief  Justice Roy S. Moore instructed probate justices in the state to defy a U S District court order striking down Alabama’s ban on same-sex marriage. Just in case you may have forgotten, Moore was previously removed from his position on the court for refusing to remove a “Ten Commandments” display from a public building.  Anyway, he insisted that this was a state’s rights issue, but I strongly suspect he has some rejection issues from when he was younger. It is also rumored that Judge Moore hated “La Cage aux Folles”. In either case, most couples who wanted to get married were able to do so due to the fact that probate judges in the more populated counties of Alabama rejected Chief Justice Moore’s advances. Sad, but even now, Judge Moore can’t get anyone to love him.

On Tuesday Brian Williams was suspended for 6 months without pay because he misrepresented facts about Iraq. His story allegedly changed over time from Iraq being involved in the attacks on 9/11, to weapons of mass destruction, to nuclear capabilities…oh, wait, that’s the wrong lie I’m thinking of. Oh yes, Brian lied about being shot down, much more serious than that first lie I was thinking of because, well, he’s a news anchor and must be held to higher standards than a president, vice-president, or member of the cabinet. After all, NBC’s integrity was damaged by Mr. Williams lie. All that other lie caused were a few violent deaths (206,000 to date) and $1.7 trillion through FY 2013. So, Brian got an unpaid vacation, a bashing by the media, and a public lashing. President Bush gets a library and to paint nude portraits of himself.

Also on Tuesday Jon Stewart announced that he will be leaving  “The Daily Show” later this year. His plans for the future are unclear, as is who will be his replacement. We have been assured, however, that it will not be Brian Williams.

Tuesday also featured Fox News religious nut Robert Jeffress giving us his take on the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Long known for his hatred of all things gay, he is now twisted into a pretzel over BDSM being portrayed in the movies. Incidentally, he should be made aware that being twisted into a pretzel is one of the more popular BDSM sexual positions, but I digress.  He sees this movie as a sign of the Apocalypse all of which we can discover in his latest book “Countdown to the Apocalypse: Why ISIS and Ebola Are Only the Beginning”. He quotes 2 Timothy 1 that in the last days it will be terrible times. I’m guessing that includes terrible movies too. Mr. Jeffress previously held that same-sex marriage would lead to men wanting to marry their 19 year old daughters, something I suspect has long been a fantasy of Mr. Jeffress. Men, hide your daughters!

On Wednesday GOP rising star and college dropout Scott Walker, on a visit to Great Britain, was asked by a British reporter about his views on evolution. “For me, I am going to punt on that one as well. That’s a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or the other,” the educationally challenged governor replied. That answer fell as flat as a New England Patriot’s football on the British audience, as once again they were treated to the very special ignorance of the American right. If only he had the opportunity to insult the London Olympic Games, he would have assured himself of the GOP nomination.

And finally on Thursday Rick Perry, on a three state speaking tour, the third of which he cannot remember, said to primary voters in New Hampshire that Texans don’t want health insurance. “Texas has been criticized for having a large number of uninsured,” he said, “but that’s what Texans wanted”.  Of course, governor, Texans have always longed to get really sick and lose everything because of their medical bills. Texans love losing everything, just look at the Alamo. And obviously Texans have been content to live with mental illness, since they elected you twice. But the ex-Texas separatist did tout the fact that the Texas constitution has made it harder for patients to sue their doctor for malpractice. This, he crows, has resulted in the state adding 35,000 additional doctors. And with Texas’ free market medicine, they don’t even have to prove to some bureaucrat that they ever went to medical school.

So there you have it, the week’s major and minor headlines you may have missed. I hope you enjoyed it and learned something you may have missed trying to keep up with the latest vaccine studies. Have a great weekend!

 

 

Eating, the Next Right Wing Target?

Posted: February 10, 2015 in New Post

This blogger has just been made aware of the right wing’s next issue to be targeted. They will be questioning the government’s overreach in encouraging people to eat. I must caution that my sources are unsubstantiated and have no basis in fact. In other words, this article is as reliable as any story you will hear on Fox News.

For years the Federal government has been telling the American people that eating regularly was necessary for good health. But there are some who have suggested that food and its dependency is just another way for the government to take away our liberties. Eating, they insist, should be an individual choice and not an activity forced on us by the ruling elite.

The supporters of the anti-eating movement point to several statistics that show that people who eat regularly, especially those who have done so since childhood, eventually develop life threatening diseases. For example, experts point to statistics that the five leading causes of death in the United States are heart disease, cancer, chronic lower respiratory disease, accidents, and stroke. We then must ask, they say, what do these all have in common? The answer is startling. Each one affects people who have followed a regular regimen of regular or semi-regular food intake.

This has prompted some in congress to call for action. Sen Joni Ernst, the freshman senator from Kansas told us:

“When my mother was pregnant for me, she was told by the medical elites that good nutrition was essential for my development. The problem was that we were poor and she could barely provide bread bags to wear for the rest of the family. Thankfully, she was smart enough to see through this government interference and ate very little. And I turned out just fine. I was almost the size of a baby chipmunk when I was born. In fact, most of the mothers who followed their doctors’ advise ended up with children who turned out to be liberals, but my mother (and the country) got me!”

This concern was echoed by Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky:

“Since I made myself an eye doctor, I have had many patients who have had eye problems directly caused by eating. One man in particular nearly lost an eye when the straw from his extra large Coke poked him while taking food from the drive in window of a fast food chain”

These and other startling incidents prompted Sen. Ted Cruz to issue this warning:

“Encouraging people to eat is just another failure of Obamacare. Its emphasis on good nutrition and regular meals is just another example of the overreach of this imperial president. We must repeal this train wreck and allow people to chose for themselves whether to eat or not”

And Sarah Palin adds:

“We those whom have or may have therefore eaten have to stop and say ‘hey, what’s that, a gotcha burger’ therefore then standing up to the man and refusing food for liberty. Then and only then will the Paul Revere spirit of riding horses infuse us with the freedom to reject the squirmish idea of food tyranny”

These concerns may soon result in congressional action. Rep. Paul Ryan is already said to be drafting legislation to end all food stamp, school lunch programs, and welfare. “We simply have to get people off the eating habit and have them experience the freedom to do without food”, Rep. Ryan recently stated.

A recent Gallup Survey found that the average household spends between $151 to $180 per week on food. Pointing to this survey, Ryan remarked, “imagine the money we could use for defense and tax breaks for the Koch brothers if we just stop encouraging people to eat”.

The controversy over the habit of eating will only be turning more heated as the presidential election cycle heats up. Already Darrell Issa has scheduled hearings into the Obama Administrations emphasis on nutrition and has indicated that the first subpoena may be issued to the First Lady herself.  Others are calling for the articles of impeachment. All this assures that eating will be the next big topic to dominate the news for the months ahead. Stay tuned!

 

This week on Episode 321 of the Tim Corrimal Show we examine Sen. Thom Tillis of North Carolina and his idea of deregulating restaurants so they would not be required to have their employees wash their hands after bathroom visits. So our Clown Car food editor (me) thought he would review one of Sen. Tillis’ deregulated restaurants, The Free Market Café.

The Clown Car Deregulated Restaurant Review

While being greeted  by the maitre d’, I was impressed by the many odors emanating from the dining room. Reminiscent of newly fertilized corn fields, the aroma gave just a hint of the treat to come.

Now don’t let those grease stained overalls put you off, since The Free Market Café does not pay minimum wage, most of the wait staff work part time at the Jiffy Lube next door. But don’t worry, the service doesn’t suffer. Since The Free Market Café  is an unregulated restaurant, no one has to waste time washing their hands between oil changes or bathroom visits.

The waiter was quick to bring menus and take my drink order. Adding a clever touch, the menu has many samples of the its offerings stuck right to it. The wine list was superb, mixed from unfinished glasses from the night before and chilled in the original boxes. And the fingerprints and lipstick stains on the wine glasses just add to the homey charm.

I started with the “Clam Surprise” appetizer. It’s a plate of clams, some already eaten, but some with clams in them. Surprise! And the bread basket was a copious mixture of stale but still very chewable bread. Dip into the house mystery sauce and you have the perfect compliment to your meal.

My main course was the prime rib Au jus. For health purposes the menu recommends very, very well done.  And by the way, if you order meat or sea food that is more than 30 days expired, you get  a 50% discount. That’s the beauty of unregulated restaurants. The the health choices are yours, not Michelle Obama’s. And be sure to have the spoiled mixed vegetables as a side. You will hardly notice the mold, and the unique colors of rotting produce livens up the presentation.

(One slight negative note, the waiter did drop my prime rib on the floor on the way to the table. But to his credit he quickly picked it up and got it to the table before the rats got to it. He even offered to cut off the parts he stepped on.)

The best part of the night was the check. For less than $50.00 I was able to eat and have money left over for a stop at the emergency room. The Free Market Café  keeps prices low because the silverware is not washed between uses. By not employing kitchen staff at government mandated minimum wage, they can pass the savings on to you. You can bring your own silverware or use the house provided pre-used utensils. (Suggestion: Tip your waiter and he’ll wipe them down for you).

So whether out with friends or dining alone, The Free Market Café’s friendly atmosphere and proximity to one of the best poison control centers in North Carolina make it a must try for every culinary taste. One additional note, The Free Market Café asked me to remind anyone dining alone to be sure to inform your waiter of your emergency contacts. So enjoy the liberty of free market dining and as always, Bon Appetit!

 

A Rose By Any Other Name…

Posted: February 2, 2015 in New Post

Today I had an interesting conversation on Twitter I thought I’d share. Normally Twitter is not the place to have rational discussions, especially with the admirers of Ayn Rand. However, I am always fascinated by the inherent contradictions in her philosophies and how her apostles resolve them.

It started when I commemorated Ms. Rand’s 110th birthday with the following Tweet…

Marnus3  #AynRand was a horrid creature who then wrote several books to prove she was an equally horrid writer.

After which the following brain spasm ensued…

CommieZombies  While Rand was certainly flawed (See: Human), she did share some great ideas with the world.

Marnus3  @CommieZombies The celebration of greed is not an “idea”.
CommieZombies  So wanting to control yourself & your property is greedy? And what of the ppl who wanna control others? Are they not greedy?
Marnus3  @CommieZombies So, who wants to control others?
CommieZombies  Government, and all its supporters, want to control others.

Marnus3  @CommieZombies So you are for no government?

CommieZombies  Correctamundo!
Marnus3  @CommieZombies OK, at least you admit it. BTW, have you checked out the Taliban? You’d like them.
CommieZombies  Why would I like the Taliban? Do tell, what exactly do I have in common with them?
Marnus3  @CommieZombies No government controls them.
CommieZombies  THEY control ppl. Harshly. I support the non-aggression principle. That means NO ONE has the right to use violence on others.
Marnus3  @CommieZombies So, how do you enforce non-aggression?
CommieZombies  Property rights. Everyone has a right to self defense.

Marnus3  @CommieZombies And if I cannot defend myself, am sick or infirm, or just weaker than the offender, then what?

CommieZombies  Join with others. Form whatever organizations you find beneficial for security, etc.
 Marnus3  @CommieZombies Sort of like a tribe?
…you know, like the Taliban. So This Randian does not believe in government, but instead would depend on his “property rights” being defended by an “organization”.  Now, Merriam-Webster defines “organization” as follows: “an administrative and functional structure (as a business or a political party);  characterized by complete conformity to the standards and requirements of an organization”. Now that’s starting to sound like a government. But in Randspeak, I guess we don’t call it a government, we call it an organization. But that begs many questions. How many organizations will there be, thousands, millions? What happens when organizations have opposing interests?  Does the one with the most guns win? Is that justice? Do Randians care about justice? Is it really freedom they seek, or the type of anarchy that allows them to enforce their individual idea of justice.
The circular logic in this conversation illustrates the inherent flaw in the “philosophy” of Ayn Rand. She sought to live in a universe where only self interest was virtuous, but at the same time lived in a universe where she thrived on the benefits of government. In the end, she accepted her Social Security checks and was treated under Medicare. For Ms. Rand, as with my friend on Twitter, quote Blanche DuBois, they always depend on the kindness of strangers. Even when those strangers are the government.

Clown Car Update for February 1, 2015

Posted: February 1, 2015 in New Post

This week on Episode 320 of The Tim Corrimal Show, the Clown Car reviewed last weekend’s “Iowa Freedom Summit”.  Do you remember the scene in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, when McMurphy takes the inmates on a road trip? Well last weekend, conservatives from all over America descended on the Hawkeye State, but instead of Randle P. McMurphy,  Steve King  was driving a bus full of right wing cuckoos so loosely wrapped they would give even nurse Ratched goose bumps. One after another they incited a rabid crowd waving pitchforks and tearing at red meat with the few teeth they had left. It was a marathon of Benghazi, tyranny, and Kenyian anti-colonialism as the 2016 lineup of botched lobotomies geared up for their presidential run. Here then is a sample of the candidates and the America they envisioned last weekend:

Scott Walker: For those of you who are unfamiliar with Walker, he got his political start after being removed from one of the Koch brothers’ during a routine colonoscopy. Cloned into a  Koch lap dog, he went on to be elected governor of Wisconsin, his main achievement was making it last of the 50 states in economic  growthHis platform: Putting the Koch brothers in the Oval Office. All Walker would have to do is eat kibble and get his belly rubbed. That’s a good dog! There is no better life than a lap dog in Kochmerica!

Ted Cruz: Always a hit with the tin foil crowd, Ted’s appearance at the summit was was no exception. Ted was born in Alberta and moved to the United States as a little boy. He is referred to by our neighbors to the north as “Canada’s Little Practical Joke”. His father is a minister who believes his son is destined by God to be president. We tried to reach God for comment but he did not return our calls. Ted is most noted for his recitals of “Green Eggs and Ham” and shutting down the government. His Platform: Repealing the Affordable Care Act, banning same sex marriage, restricting women’s reproductive rights and defunding everything except the Dr. Seuss section of the Congressional Library.

Rand Paul: Who said that the nuts don’t fall far from the tree? Son of congressman and Chief Keebler Elf Ron Paul, he fell from that tree as a young boy, hit his head and never fully recovered. In the most widespread case of mass hysteria in history,  Kentuckians elected him to the U S Senate in 2010. His most notable achievements are plagiarizing the work of other people and awarding himself a medical degree. A self-proclaimed Libertarian, he has stated that he would have voted for the Civil Rights Act of 1964, just not the “civil rights” parts. His Platform: He has called for a return to the gold standard or as an alternative, animal hides.

Marco Rubio: Once considered a rising star in the re-branding efforts of the Republican party, his light faded in 2013 when he was discovered to have a drinking problem. A bottled water drinking problem. Eleven minutes into his rebuttal to the 2013 State of the Union address, he reached for a bottle of water and has since been referred to in the cloakroom as Senator Aquafina.  A climate change denier, he insists that there are several alternate explanations for why parts of his home state are disappearing under the ocean. He can’t recall any right now because he is not a scientist. His Platform: An America where everyone has an opportunity to drink clean water from a plastic bottle and watch the sun set under the palm trees of the oceanfront beaches of North Dakota.

That is just a small sampling of the inmates who have taken over the asylum and are now poised to give us what promises to be the zaniest republican primary season in history. But the summit did leave one question unanswered. As Randle P. McMurphy wondered, “who’s the head bull-goose looney around here!?”