This week on Episode 311 of the Tim Corrimal Show, our featured clown is Scott Brown. When we last saw Scott, Sen. Elizabeth Warren was escorting him to the exit of the U S Senate. In 2009, the voters in Massachusetts thought it would be a perfect practical joke to send a Tea Party conservative to the senate to replace Ted Kennedy. It was sort of a giant whoopee cushion for the entire country.
He was a Tea Party darling, knocking door to door in his pick up truck and pink leather shorts. The joke quickly started to unravel on election night when, during his victory speech, he became the first senator-elect to pimp out his daughters on national TV. Massachusetts soon found out that Scott’s ties to Wall Street were not as easy to hide as his genitalia in Cosmo. Thankfully the voters of Massachusetts, in a gesture of sincere contrition, gave us Elizabeth Warren as a peace offering. Apology accepted.
But like shingles, you can never be completely rid of Scott. He hides for years, undetected, popping up when you least expect to cause pain and suffering. So he arrived in New Hampshire, with a pick up truck loaded with trombones and uniforms ready to lead his band of voters on an imaginary march to panic. This week Scott ran a campaign ad cashing in on the always useful Republican hysteria of Islam and specifically, ISIS. Scott accused his opponent Jean Shaheen and President Obama of being “confused” about the ISIS threat. But Scotty is not confused. He knows exactly what to do. He would secure the border.
Now I’m not sure which border he’s concerned about. ISIS as you know is operating between Iraq and Syria. So which border does Scott think needs securing? There are three possibilities. One, he thinks the threat is from ISIS crossing over from Canada, Vermont, Maine, or Massachusetts. Two, he believes there is an Islamic stronghold in Mexico and he’s running for a Senate seat in Arizona. Three, and most disturbing, he thinks New Hampshire shares a border with Iraq and Syria.
It doesn’t really matter to Scott. All that really matters is that you be afraid, New Hampshire, really, really afraid because if you re-elect Jean Shaheen to the U S Senate the ISIS wave will sweep into Nashua selling antiques and produce at roadside stands near you. Of course, Scott Brown does have a point. Your borders in New Hampshire are not secure. A lying, scheming force has already crossed over from the south. His name is Scott Brown, he’s running for the U S Senate, and he is very confused.