Archive for October, 2013

Well, it’s that time of year when we will be visited by a variety of ghosts and ghouls who will try to scare you out of your wits in an effort to get a treat or, better yet, money. No, I’m not talking about the GOP congress; I’m talking about the Trick-or-Treaters who visit us each Halloween. It promises to be an especially dangerous year for visits by nefarious characters you may want to avoid if they ring your doorbell. For your protection, I have compiled a partial list of the most hideous of the group so you can recognize them before they climb on to your porch. This way you will have a chance to turn off your lights and pretend you’re not home. Here then is the Trick-or Treat Watch List for 2013:

Ted Cruz

His disguise:  Sam, I Am.

His Treat: This guy will try to convince you to stop paying your bills and contribute to his presidential campaign.  He blathers on about Green Eggs and Ham and World War II Memorials, but all he really wants is cash. He’s very clever and convincing. If you tell him you can’t afford to give him money, he will tell you to stop paying your bills and to defund your health insurance policy. He will try to convince you that not paying your creditors is really no problem and in fact they will respect you more for being a deadbeat.  Also, he believes your health is a train wreck anyway, so why bother.

His Trick: If you don’t give him what you want, he will threaten to burn down your house. No, this is not an idle threat. He has already tried to burn down the entire country.

Lindsey Graham

His disguise: A parrot perched on a kid dressed as John McCain

His Teat: He wants a cracker, or more specifically, his senate seat. Lindsey is afraid of everyone who stands to his right, so he keeps repeating “Benghazi, Benghazi” over and over again along with “Bad Obama, Bad Obama”. He learned this from his owner, John McCain, who also taught him to say “Get to the bottom of it!” He’s a clever bird, but very boring.

His Trick: Whatever you do, don’t give him any answers, because he won’t believe you. As a matter of fact, he won’t even listen to you. Instead, he will return to your house hour after hour with the same demands and relentless yacking. The best approach is to refer him to Fox News and tell him they will let him live with them if he wants. Actually, this is true.

David Gregory

His disguise: A Journalist.

His treat: He will try to convince you he is a serious TV interviewer but he really is nothing but a speaker system wired to GOP headquarters. Yep, if you pull his hair off you will find nothing but wires and a copy of the latest republican talking points. If you want to stop this one in his tracks, ask him a follow up question. His wiring will catch fire and smoke will come out of his nose. But don’t worry, they will have him fixed before you can say “If it’s Sunday, it’s Meet the Press”.

His Trick: He will punish you by coming back to your house every Sunday.

Joe Scarborough

His Disguise: The bully from “A Christmas Story”

His Treat: He wants desperately for you to tell him he is always right. That’s right, no candy, and no money, just agree with everything he says. Then give him a big gooey donut and a cup of Starbucks. This will shut him up long enough for the girl with him, dressed as Mika, to say “Oh, Joe!” and pull him away from your door.

His Trick: He’ll show up next year and deny everything he told you this year. After all, he’s always right, even when he’s wrong.

The Tea Party

The disguise: A mob dressed in hoods with torches and picks.

The Treat: They want their country back, and they want it now! So give it to them! Also, they want you to swear to uphold their constitution. No, not the Constitution of the United States, the other one; the one without that pesky 14th Amendment; the one with only a 2nd and 10th Amendment.

The Trick:  If they don’t get their country back, or, more specifically, a white president, they will threaten to march on your house with misspelled signs that misinterpret everything from the Constitution to the Bible. Also, they will go on Wikipedia and rewrite every event that doesn’t support their version of history.

Darrell Issa

His disguise: A Keystone Cop

His treat: He wants to look in your house for dirt. If he can’t find any, he’ll bring his own, scatter it on your floor, then, ask you to explain where it came from. When you point out that he put it there, he’ll find you in contempt and demand you leave the house.  This guy will never tell you this, but most of the dirt he carries around to spread on other people comes from his house. It’s made of glass.

His Trick: This guy will stand outside of your house and keep throwing dirt at it with the hope that some will stick to your siding.

Dick Cheney

His disguise: Dr. Strangelove

His Treat: He wants to start a fight with you, but wants the other kids with him to do the fighting. Then he will sit back and watch the carnage, claiming he’d love to participate, but he has to take a deferment because of his bad heart. This is a total lie, because he doesn’t have one.

His Trick: If you don’t cooperate with him, he will have someone hold you down pour water down your throat. He calls this “enhanced pranking”.

Warning: This is only a partial list. There are rumors that there is a Chia Pet disguised as a senator from Kentucky, a drunk claiming to be the Speaker of the House, and a Virginia governor carrying a vaginal probe.  So be careful about who you let in your house because once these monsters get in, they are very hard to get rid of.

 

 

Today I’ve been watching the House of Representative’s hearings on the problems with the ACA rollout.  It is fascinating how Republican/Tea Party congressmen enjoy what is known as “The Kangaroo Court”. This is not to be confused with Justices Thomas, Alito, or Scalia who have their own version. No, I’m speaking of the court that has become so popular with the GOP/TP ever since President Obama raised his hand to take his first oath of office.

So just what is the GOP’s obsession with the Kangaroo? Well, to answer that question, lets take a look at their unique characteristics.  No, not the GOP congress, Kangaroos.

  • Kangaroos are marsupials. Now that may be known to most of you, but to the scientifically challenged GOP, not so much.  So they may confuse the word “marsupial”  with a Christian fundamentalist sect, or an automatic weapon.  Either of these misinterpretations would endear the Kangaroo to any right wing radical in congress. Can’t you just hear Steve King praising the God fearing, Christ loving Marsupials for their faithful resistance to all evils Liberal.  Or can you imaging Louie Gomert’s Meet the Press interview where he defends our right to own a marsupial and vows to fight any effort to restrict their use in defense our homes?
  • Of the 60 different species of Kangaroos, the largest is the RED Kangaroo. Need I say more?
  • Kangaroos have powerful legs and are known for their jumping ability, as is the GOP. They can jump from one Obama scandal to the next before an observer can blow his didgeridoo. Witness any interview on Meet the Press and you will marvel at the speed a member of the GOP can jump from Benghazi to Solyndra then back to the IRS before David Gregory even has  chance to wipe the brown spots off his nose.
  • Kangaroos can twist their ears in any direction. This is especially useful to GOP congressmen in filtering out facts when they are corrected on current talking point. I have actually seen Michele Bachmann’s ears spinning after being corrected on actual American history.
  • Finally, and perhaps most important, female Kangaroos have pouches. This is especially handy for GOP congressmen for collecting all that money the Koch brothers pay them to hop around and jump as high as they are told. Look closely the next time you see a member of the GOP and no matter how slim or rotund, they all have a full pouch.

So my proposal is this: Perhaps the GOP has the wrong logo. Yes, I love elephants, and they are intensely sensitive and loyal animals (which probably should disqualify them from being associated with the Republican Party to begin with!).  But, given the GOP propensity for Kangaroo Courts, maybe the Kangaroo is more appropriate. And, as an added coincidence, the current GOP chairman, Reince Priebus sort of resembles a Kangaroo, don’t you think?

Liberals, Stop Kicking the Dog!

Posted: October 26, 2013 in Health Care

There is a fatal flaw in some progressive thinking. That is, that to distinguish ourselves from our right wing brothers and sisters, we must be willing to decimate our most cherished projects at the first sign of trouble. Witness, for example, the latest hair pulling going on in progressive media regarding the recent glitches on the HealthCare.gov website. Now let me say at the outset that there are problems that need to be fixed and the roll out has been less than stellar. However, the relentless parade of liberal commentators on cable news ready to shoot the wounded has been nothing short of nauseating. As if the always willing Fox News Noise Machine needed any help, we have added the voices of our “friends” in the media to pump up the volume.  From Jon Stewart to Ezra Klein they have been willing to join the forces of health care ambulance chasers ready to declare the Affordable Care Act dead on arrival.

Now maybe it’s the void left after all the drama of Mr. Cruz and his fact-challenged caucus leading us to the brink of economic collapse.  Or, maybe Jon Stewart gets a chill up his leg if he can belittle Kathleen Sebelius with a little comedy shtick. But the fact of the matter is that by lending their voices to the Koch brother cronies, they are, as one Twitter poster put it “feeling privileged to kick their own dog”.

Let’s not forget that when the February 15th deadline came for states to decide if they would set up their own exchanges, 26 states decided not to cooperate with the ACA implementation and forced the Federal Government to provide the marketplace for their consumers. This caused a major logistic nightmare for any website developer and was part of the deliberate sabotage orchestrated by the Koch brothers and their bought-and-paid-for governors. Add to that the 14 states that declined Medicaid expansion, denying the poorest of their population access to health care. Then came the drumbeat from the right, led by Dudley Cruz-wrong, that “Obamacare” was a “train wreck” even before it was implemented. And, to prove his point, Ted Cruz attempted to fulfill his own prophesy by adding the U S economy to the carnage.

Then came October 1

The government shut down and the approaching debt limit loomed. Our friends in the liberal press were so busy rounding up the usual suspects in those debacles, that the glitches on the ACA website almost escaped their attention. The daily threat of financial Armageddon almost made them miss an opportunity to take part in one of their favorite pastimes, kicking their own dog. In this case, the dog they were ignoring was HealthCare.gov.

Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell to the Rescue!

Thanks to the cooler heads in the U S Senate economic disaster was avoided and Jon Stewart & Co. could get down to the business of proving that they were willing to kick their own dog without any help from the Tea Party. Yes, these were our “friends’ in the media, willing at the first sign of trouble to start pointing fingers and attempt to make themselves look “fair and balanced”. Except that they were neither fair, nor balanced. Yes, the website was overwhelmed with traffic. Yes, consumers were frustrated with the failed attempts to complete their applications. This is nothing new in the history of internet commerce. Remember the 2010 rollout of the new iPhone? That didn’t go very well either, yet no one suggested that the entire concept of the iPhone was in peril because of a website glitch. So here’s some news for my favorite liberal media heads; the ACA is not in jeopardy because of a website glitch. Mr. Klein may not want to hear it, but it is only a website, a website that will be improved and working fine very soon.

And to close, some unsolicited advice to my friends in the liberal media: CHILL! Everything will be OK. The patient has a flesh wound, not a fatal shot to the heart. Stop the wailing and gnashing of teeth and get with the program. Sell the ACA and quit your obsession with minutia. Oh, and while you’re at it, stop kicking the poor dog!

My New Blog

Posted: October 26, 2013 in New Post

Hi all. You may know me as @Marnus3 on Twitter.  For the past few years I have been ranting there about Right Wing craziness with a great deal of satisfaction. Recently, however, I have found that the psychosis that has infected the GOP, and specifically its Tea Bag Wing, has risen to a level that cannot be described in 140 characters. So, I have decided that I needed a blog to express my feelings about the spreading tide of ignorance that has become the Republican/Tea Party.  My plan is to update this blog whenever I hear someone from the GOPTP say something that is either a lie or downright stupid. I plan to be very busy.