This week on Episode 391 of The Tim Corrimal Show, it was an exciting week for all of us political nerds. It was the week that the primary season came to an end (sorry D.C. but we love you anyway). It was also a week in which the GOP went into a bi-polar dysphoria when they simultaneously embraced and denounced the racist at the top of their ticket, Donald Trump after making disgusting comments about a distinguished federal judge and his Mexican heritage. It was also a week for YUUUUGE endorsements from major political players like Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Elizabeth Warren. But the biggest endorsement, the one that flushes all others down the drain, the one that plumbs the depths of the political world came from the drain snake himself, Joe the Plumber. His pick went to the human hair clog, Donald Trump.
Joe burst on the scene like a leaking sewer pipe when he confronted candidate Obama about his plan to increase taxes on people earning more than 250K. Well, this would hurt Joe’s plumbing business severely and he let the candidate know it! Taxing, he said, was a slippery slope, just like a backed up sewer line. Oh, and he hated the bailout and trade unions.
Well, John McCain and Sarah Palin thought he represented the typical republican voter, a mindless troll with crap flowing out of his mouth. So they put him on the campaign trail. Unfortunately like everything republican, Joe wasn’t quite what he said he was. First, his name wasn’t Joe, but Sam. Oh, and he didn’t have a plumbing business, he just worked for one. And he didn’t have a license to be a plumber, so according to Ohio regulations, he wasn’t even a plumber. Oh, and Sam never made 250K so the tax increase would never affect him. So, it turned out, Sam or Joe was a fraud, just like McCain’s running mate.
So this week, Sam, or Joe, plunged into the political arena once again to make the most valuable endorsement of the political season. He said he had been thinking about it for quite some time, and found the answer at the bottom of a septic tank. It was Donald Trump.
Joe broke down his reasons for the endorsement like bacteria breaking down solid waste. He thinks Donald will bring sanity and clarity to the country, just like Liquid Plumber brings clarity to your drain. Then, says Joe, Trump will make America great again, like a shining toilet upon a hill of Porta Potties. And, Joe warns, don’t listen to the pundits that say he will never beat Hillary Clinton. He reminded us that Donald went through a pack of GOP contenders like Draino through a grease trap. So put your toilet seat down and vote for Donald Trump because he rose to the top of the heap like a floating turd in a swimming pool. And speaking of swimming pools, Joe likes that Trump has no filters. He just says what’s on his mind, which is what is most likely blocking your toilet right now!
Oh, and if you are wondering what the anti-union, anti-bailout plumber activist is doing now? He is a proud employee of the bailed out Chrysler Corporation making Jeeps as a proud member of the UAW union! I guess what they say about dogs is true of plumbers: They never smell their own crap!