The Clown Car Update for September 16, 2018

Posted: September 16, 2018 in New Post

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Just six-hundred and five days into his presidency and Donald J. Trump, aka John Barron, aka John Miller, aka Keith Davidson, aka The Piss Bandit, has hit another milestone. As of Thursday, September 13, he has told over five thousand lies. That is an average of over eight lies a day! And worse, in the last nine days, he has been averaging a whopping thirty-two lies per day according to the Washington Post fact checker.

In addition to being a threat to democracy, the Center for Disease Control is now warning that Trump’s constant lies can be affecting your health. According to the CDC, two in three Americans are now victims of a new hearing condition called Bi-polar Unrelenting Lugubrious Lobal SHrill Intransigent Trumpitis or B.U.L.L.Sh. I.T. Unfortunately, if you are a victim of Trump induced BULLSHIT, there is currently no cure. But here at the Clown Car Update, we have good news. You can now ease the effects of Trump BULLSHIT with our new BULLSHIT canceling earphones.

With Clown Car BULLSHIT canceling earphones, you no longer have to endure the constant din of Donald Trump’s voice. Instead, you can sit back and relax and listen to the voice of Barack Obama quietly reminding you that election day is only fifty-three days away.  And by using the free BULLSHIT canceling app, you can add more soothing sounds like the pitter-patter of golden showers falling on a mattress or the splat of a Mueller subpoena landing on Donald Trump’s fat ass. As an additional benefit, our BULLSHIT canceling earphones have a parental control, so your kids will never hear phrases like “grab ’em by the p***y” or “Shit-hole countries.” And if you order in the next thirty minutes, we will include absolutely free our exclusive Trump Twitter Blocker software so you no longer have to see BULLSHIT on your computer screen either. This software alone is worth more than a Paul Manafort plea-bargain!

So discover the relief that dozens of West Wing employees have found and order The Clown Car BULLSHIT canceling earphones today. Our operators are standing by to take your order, and your order will be shipped to you in a discrete brown paper wrapping so you remain completely enamanoos! Get the relief you need today because, in the age of Trump, the world is full of BULLSHIT!

 

 

 

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