Archive for January, 2015

The GOP has been telling us for some time now how their bench is deep. What they fail to tell us is, deep in what? Well, Joni Ernst put that to rest this past week with her response to the president’s State of the Union address. It was a pile, and it was deep. But the line that will live in infamy was about how she wore bread bags over her good pair of shoes on a rainy day. I guess this is supposed to make her relate to the common folk, but in the end it was just part of that deep pile. But Joni wants to apply her bread bag idea the new agenda of the GOP. This week, on Episode 319 of the Tim Corrimal Show, the Clown Car explores some other uses Joni and the GOP have for bread bags:

Food stamps: The way Joni sees it, food stamps are just another way for the government to enslave the poor. Instead, Joni proposes that poor families use bread bags. Just give a bread bag to every member of the family, stroll down to the nearest fast food restaurant dumpster and fill your bread bags with half eaten hamburgers and mashed up French fries. Your children get to participate in menu selection while receiving much needed nutrition. All without the help of handouts from our over taxed job creators. So gather up some bread bags and run down to the ally just behind your local McDonald’s . And as a bonus, your kids will learn the value of hard work.

Obamacare: There is no more sinister way to destroy our freedoms than government mandated health care. Joni and her GOP friends want to repeal and replace Obamacare with, you guessed it, bread bags. For example. if you place a bread bag over your face you will reduce the chances of contracting colds, flu, and  even Ebola. An if you get a stomach flu just throw up into a handy bread bag. And for those nasty panic attacks, you don’t need a fancy psychiatrist. Just breath into a bread bag to calm your nerves and feel the freedom!

Contraceptves for women: Well, here Joni’s first choice is castration. But Joni doesn’t want the government enslaving our young women with guaranteed contraception coverage. Instead, Joni suggests that  you have your partner wear a bread bag. They come in sizes from the skinny French loaf to the large Italian bread, have their own convenient ties, and are gluten free! They may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but just think of the freedom you and your partner will feel from not having to depend on Uncle Sugar for your contraceptive needs!

Housing: Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae? Forget it. Just more government interference in your life. And who needs affordable housing anyway. There is a simpler solution that does not involve using tax payer money to help moochers get a house. Joni says, let them live in bread bags. For example, just 100 bread bags glued together can make a shelter to fit 4 people and a small pet. With 200 bags you can add a garage to keep your shopping cart. Want to add a swimming pool? No problem. 1000 bread bags sewn together can hold over 100 gallons of water and provide hours of fun for the entire family.

Heating: Pesky government heating programs enslaving you? Joni Ernst has just the answer for freedom loving Americans who need fuel assistance. Instead of that government handout, make a cozy little fire in your living room out of bread bags. Imagine curling up with your favorite book and reading to the odor of burning polyvinyl chloride.  There are no government forms to fill out and the toxic fumes are free!

So there you have it, the new, caring republican party. They heard what you were saying last November and Joni heard you loud and clear. Give us bread bags or give us death!

I play tennis three or four times a week, and our group has, shall we say, eclectic political views. We rarely discuss politics or political events, and that’s probably a good thing. After all, who wants to spoil such a great game like tennis with ugly debates.

But today, the after-game chat began with one of our associates showing pictures of her trip to the White House to see the Christmas decorations. That’s when it turned ugly. Someone looking at the pictures asked, “Did you see Obama?” The response was telling. “I couldn’t even look at him if I did!” There was more than disdain in her voice, it was anger. “You don’t like him I take it?” some one asked. What followed was a diatribe on the subject of political correctness.

“I’m so tired of political correctness! My daughters were appalled at Christmas dinner when I referred to one of their friends as ‘Oriental’! Do you believe it? They  insisted I use ‘Asian’ but hey, they are from the Orient, right? So they are Oriental! It’s like the word negro. What’s wrong with that. For years we called them Negros, now we have to say black or whatever. What’s wrong with Negro? Or colored? It was OK before. And the big deal over the Washington Red Skins is ridiculous. All my life we called them Indians, now it has to be Native Americans or something. We always used Indians growing up, right?”

I was breathless, and not from playing tennis. I didn’t know where to begin. First, I pointed out that referring to people with terms they find offensive is, well, offensive. Second, what people accept at one time can change and evolve over time. That was met with an angry look and a “shut up!” Yes, I was told to shut up. How’s that for political correctness.

But I could not let this go without a few observations. First, what gives this white woman the right to tell minorities what they should and should not be offended by. It’s like stabbing a person and telling them they shouldn’t bleed all over you. Second, what is the harm in referring to people in terms they accept as appropriate. Does it hurt to change your vocabulary? Why is it so important that old racial slurs and stereotypes be perpetuated? The reason is simple, as simple as why this woman hates the sight of the president.  People like her seek acceptance of their bigotry.

It’s not just the vernacular we use to describe people that bothers her, it’s the people themselves. Unsaid in her ranting is the fact that she doesn’t believe President Obama belongs in the White House. She doesn’t believe African-Americans, Native Americans, Asians, or any other group should dictate how white people refer to them. Or treat them for that matter. To her, it is the loss of white privilege that she can not bear. That is the basis of her anger, not political correctness, and it is becoming the death rattle of the white majority.

Clown Car Update for January 11, 2015

Posted: January 11, 2015 in New Post

This week on Episode 317 of the Tim Corrimal Show the Clown Car investigates a new strain of flu. It appears to have had its origins in the unfortunate events unfolding in Paris. As  reported this week by the CDC it is spreading faster than any strain of flu to date.  It has been officially named the Fox News Flu. It is especially prevalent among white males with a history of chronic paranoia and xenophobia. People with these chronic conditions are urged to get a vasectomy as soon as possible.

The CDC says you should make yourself familiar with the symptoms of the Fox News Flu:

  • Chills: Especially when confronted with the image of anyone black, brown, or in a Mosque.
  • Fever: Seek medical attention immediately if you develop this symptom because it if untreated it can cause hallucinations of blond female news anchors in your living room. In severe cases, the patient may start moaning things like Lindsey Graham, John McCain and Benghazi.
  • Weakness: Although this is a symptom of the Fox News Flu, victims frequently attribute it to President Obama.
  • Cough: In severe cases the patient can expel lies, misquotes, and exaggerated threats.
  • Sore throat: Usually this is a result of screaming incoherently about losing the country.
  • Nausea and vomiting: This is usually a symptom of people who are not infected with Fox News Flu, but have to listen to people who are.
  • Diarrhea: In the case of Fox News Flu, this is most common coming from the mouths of Fox News contributors.

If you develop any of these symptoms, the CDC recommends the following:

  • Turn off Fox and spend an hour with real news sources
  • Stay at home, as you will only spread your disease to others at risk of paranoia
  • Get an injection of facts.
  • If you find it impossible to follow above instructions definitely avoid having children.

And as always, the CDC reminds us that prevention is the best defense against any flu. For the Fox News strain, avoid crowds, especially if they are carrying Gadsden or Confederate flags, or are being addressed by Louie Gohmert.  Keep active, especially when traveling through red states and seek immediate medical attention if you think Bill O’Reilly is making sense.