On Episode 404 of the Tim Corrimal Show, we explore a new drug that may help people like Mike Pense get through a very tough condition.
Have you fallen into a sewer and want to pretend that you still smell shower fresh? Is your ship sinking but you want to pretend it’s really a submarine? Have you ever passed gas at a party and balmed the family dog? Is the top of your ticket a demented serial liar? Well, you may be suffering from a condition known as Chronic Reality Evasion and Elimination Prolaps or CREEP.
Mild CREEP outbursts can cause spinning and a states of denial. Moderate to severe CREEP have been known to cause night Tweeting and compilsive calling to Sean Hannity. In rare cases, CREEP has resuted in the death of campaign. If you suffer from any of these symptoms, ask your health care professional about Avoidthefactsophen. Avoidthefactsophen is a fast acting lying aid that has been proven to turn your CREEP into a reasonable candidate. Just two Avoidthefactsophen in the morning and you are ready for the any camaign activity. Tell a crowd of thousands with a straight face that your running mate respects women. Look convincing when you tell a debate moderator that the person who said those things on the videotape is not you. Yes, you can do all these things and live with the illusion that you and your running mate are simply two regular white supremacists. And for those special moments when tapes pop up of your running mate on the Howard Stern Show, there is Avoidthefactsophen Extra Strength! The facts are gone faster than Chris Cristie’s chances avoiding indictment. It’s that simple. Reality just melts away and you can pretend that everything is normal. Ignore the the sound of jaws dropping to the floor. All you will hear is the beautiful sound of Benghazi and email servers. Yes, your long nightmare is over thanks to Avoidthefactsophen .
Tell your doctor that you are taking Avoidthefactsophen. Avoidthefactsophencan should not be taken with Politi-facts, Washington Post fact checkers, Google, or videotape.
If it is taken too often, Avoidthefactsophen may cause your poll numbers to drop suddenly to an unsafe level. In some rare cases loss of an election and indictments have been reported. Never take Avoidthefactsophen when evaluating whether or not to join a ticket with Donald Trump.
Do not take Avoidthefactsophen if you accociate with any creatures called “Trump.” Creatures called Trump include Melania, Ivanka, Tiffany, Eric, and Donald Jr. that are found in fungus, sewers, and Trump Towers. Trumps can also be found lurking around lady’s rooms and killing innocent animals for their sadistic pleasure.
Stop campaign activity if you experience symptoms such as chest pain, dizziness, or a guilty conscience. Campaign activity can put an extra strain on your heart, especially if your heart is already not in it. See your health care professional if you experience any of these symptoms. Seek immediate help if you have made an endorsement that lasts more than six hours as this can cause permanent damage to your political career.
You don’t have to suffer with the effects of that CREEP anymore. Get your life of denial back with Avoidthefactsophen, now available in suppositories.