
It looks more and more like Ron DeSantis is getting into the 2024 presidential race and his main issue will be the dread disease of “woke-ism.” Ron gladly will tell you that by banning books, banning transgender children’s health care, and banning Mickey Mouse, he has made Florida the place where “woke” comes to die. Newsflash, Ron! Florida is where EVERYONE goes to die! Even Florida’s state motto is, “Death’s Waiting Room!” But how do you know if you’re woke? It can be confusing, but here at the Clown Car, we drew up some guidelines that might help you decide where you stand. How do you know if you’re woke? Well, here are some clues:
If your neighborhood is diverse in cultural experience, you’re probably woke.
If your neighborhood is diverse in the different model pickup trucks in the driveways, you are probably not woke!
If you floss and brush your teeth daily and see your dentist twice a year, you’re probably woke.
If you think toothpaste is something to paste your teeth back to your gums, you’re probably not woke.
If you spend hours at art museums enjoying the works of the masters, you’re probably woke.
If you spend hours at the corner minimart enjoying the artwork on the Doritos display, you’re probably not woke.
If your dream vacation is to visit the pyramids, dine at the top of the Eiffel Tower, and take a gondola ride in Venice, you’re probably woke.
If your dream vacation is checking into a Motel 6, picking up some Slim Jim’s, and jumping into their pool with an old inner tube, you’re probably not woke.
If you just enjoyed a great Fourth of July celebration that ended with a beautiful fireworks display, you’re probably woke.
If you just attended a Klan meeting that ended in a meth lab explosion, you’re probably not woke.
If you fly the American flag because you’re proud to stand up for democracy, you’re probably woke.
If you crapped your American flag underwear in the January 6 riot, you’re probably not woke.
If your home is at the end of cul-de-sac in a nice neighborhood, you’re probably woke.
If your home is hitched to a 2005 F-150 at the end of an abandoned strip mine, you’re probably not woke.
If you stocked up on surgical masks and hand sanitizer during the pandemic, you’re probably woke.
If you stocked up on ammunition, horse dewormer, and Wild Turkey during the pandemic, you’re probably not woke.
If you think empathy makes a better person, you’re probably woke.
If you think Empathy is the name of the stripper at Bubba’s Roadhouse, you’re probably not woke.
If you like to decorate for the holidays with multicultural displays, you’re probably woke.
If you put blinking lights on the spare tire rims in your front yard, you’re probably not woke.
If after looking at this profile you find that you’re “woke,” welcome to the human race!
If after looking at this profile you find that you are not “woke,” then come to DeSantis’s Florida, where, like Motel 6, he’ll keep a tiki torch lit for ya!