
I know that each week here on the Clown Car Update we make fun and jokes about the antics of the right-wing lunatics that are the infamous Trump base. But this week, what happened in Washington in the halls of congress, in the people’s house, had very little to do with humor. While our allies watched in horror, and our enemies reveled in mockery, a group of traitors and insurrectionists launched a bloody coup trying to destroy the delicate experiment that has been for over 200 years our imperfect union. These traitors took two forms, those who wear business suits and pledge loyalty to a Constitution they use as a rag to wave at their political ambition, and a rabid mob of Trump cultists who wear MAGA hats and pledge loyalty to a deranged narcissist and wave the racist flag of the Confederacy.
But we always knew this was coming. In fact, Hillary Clinton, in a speech to a fundraiser September 9, 2016, was prescient as she described what would become the river of human vomit that gushed into the halls of Congress on Wednesday:
You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? They’re racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic – you name it. And unfortunately, there are people like that. And he has lifted them up. He has given voice to their websites that used to only have 11,000 people – now have 11 million. He tweets and retweets their offensive hateful mean-spirited rhetoric. Now, some of those folks – they are irredeemable, but thankfully, they are not America.
No. They are not “America.” But they were in Washington this week, solely because a deeply disturbed lunatic acting as POTUS and his Republican bootlickers have for the last two months supported his baseless delusion that he won the 2020 election and somehow it was stolen. So on Wednesday, as his congressional sycophants prepared to use the Constitution as kindling to burn down the last vestiges of democracy, Trump stood in front of a mob of freaks dressed like vikings, three-pointed hat knuckleheads, and dentally-challenged bar flies and told them to storm the Capitol Building. As reported in the New York Times,
Mr. Trump concluded his 70-minute exhortation by encouraging everyone to walk down Pennsylvania Avenue to give Republicans at the Capitol “the kind of pride and boldness that they need to take back our country.” Then the president of the United States returned to the White House, at safe distance from the mayhem to unfold.
Published in The New York Times Jan. 6, 2021
Yes, of course, Trump, after promising to walk with them, retreated to the safety of his limo and returned to the White House to do what he does best, let other people get hurt to provide sustenance for his ego. Not surprising the rotten fruit of his fat saggy loins, Don, Jr. and the gum-clapping zombie formerly known as Rudy Giuliani hopped into the safety of their private jets and flew away.
So the Clown Car would like to give a Hillary Clinton Deplorable Award to just a few of the soulless lumps of flesh who made Wednesday’s coup attempt as well as the last four years possible:
- “Moscow” Mitch McConnell – for selling whatever you passed off as a soul to the devil, YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
- Lindsey “Pearl Clutcher” Graham – for trading whatever you thought was integrity so you could at least have ONE friend in Donald Trump, YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
- Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, OANN, Newsmax, and all the entire right-wing cesspool for fanning the fires of hate for all these years, YOU’RE DEPLORABLE
- The Republican Party – All the Clorox in the universe will never remove the indelible stain and stench of Donald Trump from your legacy. Maybe if you inject it! YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
- Josh Hawley – Really, even the trash bin of history rejected your application, YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
- Ted Cruz – You’re Lyin’ Ted, your wife is ugly, your father is a filthy assassin and YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
- Mo Brooks – Moe Howard was way smarter than you and way funnier, YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
- Bill Barr – Was it worth it? Oh, by the way, where do you want the ashes of what was left of your integrity to be scattered? I know, how about Lafayette Square? YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
- Mike Pompeo – So how’s the transition to the second Trump administration going? YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
- The Fucking Trump Base – We are SO FUCKING SICK OF YOU and no, we don’t want to listen to what you have to say, we are not interested in your concerns, we really don’t care if you can’t cope with changes in the world, because in the end you are just a bunch of racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic, and Dental-phobic fecal matter. In Hillary’s words, YOU’RE DEPLORABLE!
I know we didn’t even scratch the surface with these awards, but feel free to nominate any of the scabs that fell off the Trump leprosy and we will be happy to include them in the next round of Hillary Clinton Deplorable Awards. And I promise, next week, we will have jokes. Oh, and we will be one more week closer to the Biden/Harris Administration!