Archive for June, 2015

This week on Episode 341 of the Tim Corrimal Show, we get a peek at the reaction to this weeks rulings from behind the scenes at the Supreme Court Building. Sources inside the Supreme Court say that in the wake of the ruling upholding The Affordable Care Act, Antonin Scalia went on a supreme rampage.
Outraged by actions of his colleagues, first Scalia reportedly threw his milk at Chief Justice Roberts and refused to get back on his nap pad. Wrapped in his Confederate flag blanket, he screamed at Justice Kennedy that he was a bad man and a jiggery-pokery. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg then tried to calm Scalia with his favorite toy, a copy of the Citizens United decision, but he simply spit on her, called her pure applesauce,  and wet his Constitution underwear.
At that point, Justice Sonia Sotomayor called security and that’s when the real mayhem began. Scalia ran down the hallway screaming “Hobby Lobby” pulling his hair and tearing at his robes. Witnesses say that he then entered the office of Justice Elena Kagan and tore up her law school diploma. Then he wrapped her chair in a roll of toilet paper and sprayed “SCOTUSCare” on her door. Next, he entered the office of Justice Stephen Breyer and threw Breyer’s robes out of the window, screaming to the crowd below “words have no meaning anymore!” After smashing Breyer’s ceramic gavel on the wall, he reentered the hallway where he was met with his friends Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito. They managed to calm him down by giving him one of Ginny Thomas’s foam Lady Liberty crowns and reminded him that there still was the marriage-rights decision to look forward to. This seemed to momentarily calm him. But just as he start flapping his arms up and down with happy anticipation, there was a commotion at the other end of the hall.
“They just ruled same-sex marriage is a right!” someone screamed, and the vein in Scalia’s neck inflated as he blurted out “PUTSCH!” and ran into the street. Eyewitnesses outside heard him screaming “it’s fortune cookies!” as he disappeared into the streets of D.C.  Authorities have asked the pubic to be on the lookout for a man wearing black robes hiding his head in a bag somewhere in the vicinity of the White House. If you see this man, do not approach him, as he may be armed with Fox News talking points.  They warn that he is considered unstable and under no circumstances should you offer him wedding cake or pizza.

This week Donald Trump, reality show host and chief carnival barker of the right wing noise machine, announced that he would be running for president of the United States. His speech was epic, complete with great walls, hotels built by terrorists, $50 actors, and a gun on everyone’s table! It was rambling and incoherent.  It was vintage Trump.
In case you missed it and in our ever ending quest to be fair and balanced, on Episode 340 of the “Tim Corrimal Show”, we will try to make some sense of “The Great Wall of Trump” speech. We will look at some of its more memorable quotes and try to explain what Donald was talking about:

•    “Wow. Whoa. That is some group of people. Thousands. This is beyond anybody’s expectations. There’s been no crowd like this.  This is easily explained by the fact that the crowd was actually comprised of actors who were paid $50 to pretend to support Donald Trump. For this performance, they have all been nominated for Golden Globes.

•    “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending us not the right people” Donald has repeatedly told Mexico he needs maids and gardeners, and they keep referring desk clerks.

•    “I beat China all the time. All the time”. This one is easy to explain. “China” is his pet name for his penis.

•    “When did we beat Japan at anything? They beat us all the time”.  Obviously Donald never heard of World War 2, but he may have been beating his little “China” when they covered that in history class.

•    [Obamacare] is a disaster. $5 billion we spent on a website, and to this day it doesn’t work.  I have so many websites, I have them all over the place. It costs me $3.  The explanation, Donald, is that it takes a lot of money to make people healthy, but only $3 for you to make them sick.

•    “Islamic terrorism is eating up large portions of the Middle East. They’ve become rich. I’m in competition with them. They just built a hotel in Syria. Can you believe this?”.  They call it the “Syrian Trump Chump Plaza” and it’s in the shape of Donald’s hairpiece.

•    “ I have a friend who’s a doctor, and he said to me the other day, “Donald, I never saw anything like it. It’s a disaster”. No, Donald’s friend was not talking about “Obamacare”, he was talking about Donald’s hair.

•    “I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively”. The Chinese beat you to that one, Donald, and they did it very inexpensively – with slave labor – like where they make your ties.

•    “And every time we give Iraq equipment, the first time a bullet goes off in the air, they leave it”.  Which, by the way, is the very place you should leave a bullet, in the air.

•    “And a woman was on television this morning, and she said,  “You know, Mr. Trump, I always was against guns. I didn’t want guns.— “my husband and I are finally in agreement, because he wanted the guns. We now have a gun on every table. We’re ready to start shooting”.  A gun on every table. My advise, if you are invited to have dinner at that woman’s house, don’t criticize her cooking.

Incidentally, Fox and Friends loved the speech and wants you to take Donald seriously. Elizabeth Hasselbeck said that when he walks through the streets of New York people are attracted to him like a maggot magnet . But I think he’s more like what flies are attracted to, and Neil Young would like to send him a message; Donald, you’re fired!

The Mask of Charleston

Posted: June 20, 2015 in New Post

In one Twilight Zone episode entitled The Mask a wealthy man named Jason is lying on his death bed. His daughter, son-in-law, and their two selfish children, assemble at his home, not out of concern for Jason, but in gleeful anticipation of inheriting his fortune. Jason, aware of the total self-absorbtion of his heirs, requires in his will that they wear Mardi Gras masks until midnight as a condition of their inheritance. Shortly after midnight, Jason passes, and his son-in-law gleefully proclaims him without a pulse. The family members remove the masks, to reveal the price of their greed: Their real faces will forever retain the hideous shape of the mask Jason choose for each of them, permanently revealing their inner ugliness to the world.

This week in Charleston, South Carolina, a white man walked into the historic black Charleston’s Emanuel A.M.E. Church and gunned down nine beautiful souls. His avowed motive was to “start a race war”. One eyewitness said that when one man asked the shooter to stop, he replied “No, you’ve raped our women, and you are taking over the country … I have to do what I have to do.” He had told friends he wanted “white with white, and back with black”. He admitted to authorities that his actions were meant to be an act of terror.

At times like these, our country asks us to come together and mourn not only the loss of these precious lives, but also the loss of our collective souls in a sea of fear and loathing for anyone who is different from ourselves. Our country asks us through these tragic events to abandon our hate and inherit a better world, a better understanding of each other, and a stronger human bond. But there is a feeling among some conservatives that the only tragedy here is the loss of their white status. They mourn for their loss of privilege to discriminate against and exterminate people they consider inferior in mind and spirit.  So, when called to by their country to display some decency toward the victims and their families, to acknowledge the damage racial hatred has caused to our country, they instead put on a mask.

On Fox News, anchor Steve Doocey opined that it was “extraordinary”  that they were calling this a hate crime. The headline beneath the all white panel cried “Attack On Faith” as they hid behind the mask of “religious liberty”.  Nikki Haley, the governor of South Carolina, in addressing the tragedy could not avoid defending the state’s flying the Confederate flag over the the state capitol.  She defended this symbol of racial hatred and put on the mask of “ignorance”.  Rick Perry called the president’s reaction to this tragedy an “overreaction” and sees the entire incident as an “accident”. In his twisted logic, this whole episode can be blamed on drug abuse. He put on the mask of “deflection”.  NRA board member Charles Cotton actually blamed one of the victims, Clementa Pinckney, for the deaths for his refusal to allow the congregation to carry firearms to church. He put on the mask of “malignant deception”.   And finally, the “smart” Bush, Jeb, had this to say: “I don’t know what was on the mind or the heart of the man who committed these atrocious crimes”. This is the man who wants to become the third of his family to lead this country, and yet cannot bring himself to admit to the racism staring him in the face. He put on the mask of “crass stupidity”.

All these reactions are the result of decades of watching a white majority decry the loss of their privilege to hate and discriminate. They resent the change of their status and seek the refuge of a now extremist Republican party and their propaganda wing, Fox News. They seek to preserve their perceived inheritance of exclusive right to America and to exclude those they do not deem worthy. But as our country becomes more diverse, and we move forward in our evolution of ideas, these people will be revealed for what they are. And as midnight passes, history will remove their mask to reveal their ugliness for all time.

This week on Episode 339 of The Tim Corrimal Show, we explored the hypocrisy of the Fox News Anchor, Megyn Kelly.

Last week, Megyn Kelly dedicated an entire week to providing cover for the Duggar family’s most infamous child molester, Josh.  After all, he was just

a young boy in puberty who was a little too curious about girls,

The story is all over the place, so I need not repeat the details here. I’m sure you’ve heard them.

Then, a pool party happened in McKinney, Texas. It had teenagers celebrating the end of the school year,  some upset neighbors but no child molesters. Well, until the police showed up. That’s when a white cop with 30 pounds of gear and a loathing for black girls in yellow bikinis literally rolled onto the scene. There he dragged 15 year old Dejerria Becton around the like she was a broken grocery bag, slammed her to the ground. pulled out his gun, and restrained her with his knee in her back. The video went viral, and we were off to the Fox News races.

Megyn Kelly, fresh off the Duggar Apology Tour, went to pieces when she covered pool-gate. After watching the brutal treatment leveled on this young teenager, Megyn wanted everyone to know

The girl was no saint,

You see, if your a Christian right conservative bigot who makes a living peddling hate against the LGBT community, inappropriate touching underage girls is curiosity. If you are black while having fun, only sainthood should save you from a brutal attack.

Well, now Megyn feels that she was the real victim in all of this for the way the “liberal” bloggers took her comments out of the context it was intended. So, I thought I would give everyone on my blog a chance to imagine how Megyn would have “fairly” handled an interview with the real victim, Dejerria Becton.

Megyn Kelly: Good evening Ms. Becton and welcome to our show

Dejerria Becton: Thanks

MK: Now Dejerria, just tell our all white fair and balanced audience just what happened at the pool that day.

DB: Well, I was invited to a party by my friend to celebrate the end of the school year…

MK: Let me stop you right there because I think there is some confusion about that. Some say you were not invited. Did you have an invitation with you at the pool?

DB: Wait. Who said I wasn’t invited?

MK: Some say, but just answer the question.

DB: Well, no there were no written invitations…

MK: So you didn’t have an invitation and never belonged there?

DB: You didn’t let me finish. I was invited by phone…

MK: A phone? A cell phone?

DB: Yes, my friend called me one day on my cell phone and invited…

MK: So you can afford cell phones, but not a pool of your own. Interesting! Continue…

DB: Uh, OK, so I was there with a group of classmates celebrating the end of the school year and all of a sudden…

MK: You don’t like school, Dejerria? Does school make you angry and hostile?

DB: Well, no, we just were having fun…

MK: Well if you are not angry and hostile toward school, why celebrate the end of the year?

DB: It had nothing to do with being angry, we just…

MK: I see you’re getting a bit hostile right now, so let me ask you. Have you ever heard of the “Black Panthers”?

DB: Yes, but…

MK: So you admit to knowing the “Black Panthers” and being hostile toward being forced to attend school. Did these feelings have anything to do with the reason you attacked that police officer when he tried to help you up after you fell?

DB: That’s not what happened. He grabbed me and shoved me to the ground and…

MK: And that’s when you pulled out the gun!

DB: What gun? I don’t own a gun. I was wearing a bikini! Where would I hide a gun?

MK: Well, the video doesn’t lie, young lady, so if you’re going to continue to lie like this, I will have to end the interview. I think you need to do some soul searching and maybe apologize to that nice officer who was only trying to help you. That would go a long way in making amends for the way you attacked officer Casebolt.

MK: Well there you have it, a black terrorist admitting her radical roots and loathing for the American system of education. Next up, officer Casebolt will be here live to show us the injuries he sustained when our last guest pushed her spinal cord into his knee. Stay tuned to Fox News, where we’re always fair and balanced.

Echo, echo, echo…

 

 

 

 

 

Rick Perry is running for president again. You would think that was hilarious enough, but he also introduced his camapign theme at the same time, and it was a Rap song. That’s right, a Rap song from the secessionist from Texas! Well, I thought that Rick deserved my own Rap tribute to his campaign. We all performed it on Episode 338 of The Tim Corrimal Show and you can sing along with the lyrics here!

Rick Perry’s the man, who’ll set you free,
Not afraid to spill blood on the Liberty Tree
He’s a Texas man, purely born and bred,
And if you don’t believe him you’ll be eatin’ lead!

Rick Perry! He’s Scary!

He’s  a Texas man, he’s a real hard dude
He’ll execute your ass just for talkin’ rude
He’ll secure the border, then he’ll bomb Iran
No Ayatolla scares him, he’s a Texas man!

Rick Perry! He’s Scary!

He’s a Texas man, he’s Attila the Hun,
And he’s comin’ after ISIS with a big ass gun,
He’ll kill them all for the things they do,
And be back in time for good ol’ Texas barbecue!

Rick Perry! He’s Scary!

Rick’s got big plans for the economy’s fate,
He’ll turn he USA into the Lone Star State!
No full time jobs, no health care plan,
But you could always open carry, like a Texas Man

Rick Perry! He’s Scary!

Oh, and Israel, Rick Perry’s your dude,
He’ll never let Iran get nuclear fuel,
Bibi and Rick are like two best friends
Cause they both like talkin’ bull shit out of their rear ends!

Rick Perry! He’s Scary!

So if you want a real man for your president,
Just vote for Rick Perry and represent,
He’ll give you back your country and he’ll set you free,
And in 2016 he can count to three!

Rick Perry! He’s Scary!