Thanksgiving Day, millions of Americans excitedly watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade with its fabulous balloons, wonderful floats, marching bands, and Broadway talent. This Thanksgiving, the first of the post-PC era, has seen a new tradition in honor of the new Bigot-in-Chief, Donald Trump. It was the first annual Trump All White Meat Turkey Day Parade held around the block that holds Trump Tower.
For Episode 407 of the Tim Corrimal Show, The Clown Car Update was there to bring you all the excitement that thrilled the crowd of young and not-so-young white supremacists. They stood for hours in the early dawn hours of frigid New York, their flannel hoods and robes their only source of warmth. But it was all worth it as a parade of their favorite KKK superheroes and Nazi cartoon characters excited the little ones with visions of what promises to be a very, very white Christmas. So, let’s join the parade’s official MC, David Duke, as he describes the festivities!
First up is the Rudy Giuliani balloon. Its enormous head is inflated with over one million cubic feet of laughing gas and held down by one hundred volunteers from the psychiatric ward of Bellevue Hospital. The balloon has a mouth that is constantly moving and spitting on the crowds below, just like the real Rudy. The kids seem to love it, as the rude balloon yells over and over “lock her up”, just like the real Rudy did every day on Fox News. It is sure to become a favorite here for years to come as America’s Mayor becomes America’s Buffoon Balloon!
The next balloon is something special, a reminder of America’s nostalgic past when every building had a ‘whites only’ entrance. That’s right, it’s the Jeff Sessions balloon, with a life-size Beauregard in flowing white robes and holding his famous KKK hood in his hand. But watch out, his eyes are moving back and forth, searching for non-white faces in the crowd. The music blares “Dixie’s Land,” as balloon Jeff’s confederate flag waves in the wind. And as a special touch, stuck to the bottom of Jeff’s shoe is the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
Hear that sound? Yes, it’s the White Supremacist Marching Band conducted by Richard Spencer, president of the National Policy Institute. But don’t let that fancy name fool you, this is the same group that hates anyone who is not white and of European decent. The theme of this rollicking band is “Heil to the Chief” as each member is sporting a Hitler moustache. Let’s listen, shall we, as the band plays “Das Lied der Deutschen” or “The Song of the Germans”. On second thought, let’s not.
Oh, oh! What’s that commotion you hear in the distance? Why it’s the General Michael Flynn float. No Muslims are allowed on this float, as Gen. Flynn runs around and around chasing a woman in a Burqa. This float was put together by Islamophobs around the country who took time from their busy militia duties to lovingly build a tribute to the general. The float is covered with shredded copies of the Quran, and just above the animation is a reenactment of a suspect being water boarded as the crowd cheers U-S-A, U-S-A.
As the parade nears its finale with the appearance of the big guy of the day, the last balloon rounds the corner and yes, it’s a tribute to the people who made the White Supremacist Parade possible, the Republican Party! Represented by its mascot, a big goofy looking elephant, the GOP, the Grand Oligarch Party, celebrates its first Thanksgiving free of political correctness and any semblance of decency or caring for anyone not rich and white in America. But what is that coming out of the back of Dumbo? It’s a dump of the crap that the GOP has been dropping on us for the last thirty years. Very realistic!
And now, the moment this enormous crowd has been waiting for, the man of the season, the guy who puts the smiles on white nationalists young and old, the man with the big belly, Donald Trump. The kids are going wild as Don and Melania wave and throw Medicare vouchers out to the cheering crowd. Don’t worry, he knows who’s been naughty and nice, because his little elf Omarosa is keeping a list of enemies who treated big Don with mean things to say on Twitter. Watch out, Lindsey Graham, it looks like you’ll be getting coal in your stocking this year! But don’t worry, it will be clean coal because Trump world is full of fantasies.
And so, ends the first annual White Supremacist Parade with all the pomp and pageantry of the old Jim Crow south. But don’t be sad, because this parade is just the beginning. The people responsible for this new tradition are already hard at work, planning next year’s parade. And there is no need to wait until next Thanksgiving either, because starting on January 20, 2017, Mr. Trump had guaranteed that there will be a constant parade of buffoons and cartoon characters to entertain us each and every day for the next four years.