The Clown Car Update for January 29, 2023

Posted: February 2, 2023 in New Post

If you’re the Attorney General, your caseload is growing by the minute and you are just another breaking news bulletin away from finding Don Jr. doing lines off classified documents. Finding enough FBI agents and Special Counsels to investigate can be both time consuming and frustrating. With all the classified documents, Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, and Trumps hidden all over the country no wonder you spend more time finding investigators and prosecutors than doing the important work of indicting the former president. Getting qualified candidates can be harder than finding vegetables at a Mar-A-Lago buffet. But there is a solution. From the company that brought you ZipRecruiter comes ZipRecruiter, A.G. Edition to take the work out of hiring.

With these this new tool, finding qualified agents and Special Counsels is a breeze by tapping in to our database of qualified candidates.  We have candidates from all over the world from ex-KGB to rogue Secret Service Agents who can be dispatched to search for classified documents anywhere and anytime of the day or night.

Do you suspect there are classified documents in those Habitats for Humanity! We’ll have a confession out of Jimmy Carter before he drives one more nail in his walls of deceit! Have you found classified documents hidden behind George W. Bush’s ugly paintings? We’ll tear those ugly monstrosities apart and retrieve those documents faster than you can say “weapons of mass destruction!” And it will be “Mission Accomplished!” when we rip out those classified docs from Dick Cheney’s pacemaker!

So don’t waste any more of your valuable time finding the right person for the job. Let ZipRecruiter, A.G. Edition do the looking for you. Instead, spend your time holding press conferences explaining why a special persecutor is needed to search Clarence Thomas’s robes for pubic hairs or Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress for DNA. What’s that you say? Mike Pence just found more documents hidden in mother’s dildo collection?! Fear not! We are on the way!

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