The Clown Car update for September 18, 2022

Posted: September 19, 2022 in New Post

In the criminal justice system, pillow-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Mankato, Minnesota, the dedicated Hardee’s employees investigating these vicious felonies are members of a rag-tag squad known as the My Pillow Guy Victims Unit. These are their stories. This fall on NBC, don’t miss a single episode of “Law and Hardee’s SPU (Special Pillow Unit)”

Each week, the crew of the Hardee’s along with the FBI join forces to bring justice to the victims of uncomfortable pillows and poor-quality bed sheets. Each week, follow the exploits of the specially trained employees at the Mankato Hardee’s as they relentlessly pursue the evil but hapless Mike Lindell. Meet the brave public servants bringing justice to the victims in Mankato?

  • Steve “Fleas” Bannon – Manager and head cook at the Mankato Hardee’s. A former felon himself, Bannon served eight years at Rikers after his hair net fell into a batch of burritos a Taco Bandido in New York City infecting hundreds of customers with lantern flies. He now dedicates his life to justice and insect-free burgers.
  • Rudy “Oil Can” Giuliani – A former prosecutor himself and later salesman at Fantasy Island Adult Book Store, convicted of stealing hundreds of dildos by stuffing them down his pants. He was caught on the set of “Borat Subsequent Moviefilm” trying to unload them while lying on a hotel bed. Rehabilitated, he now just wants to bring pricks to justice!
  • “Speedy” Josh Hawley – Former U.S. Senator who, when chased by his own followers, ran all the way to Mankato, Minnesota, and is in hiding as the drive-through attendant at Hardee’s. He always hands your order to you with a fist bump!
  • Mike “Pale Face” Pence – A former vice president and housefly enthusiast, Mike narrowly escaped execution by lynching and is now in a witness protection program posing as a giant vanilla milkshake.
  • Kevin “Ass Lips” McCarthy – One thought of as a future Speaker of the House, was shamed when his DNA and lip balm was found all over Donald Trump’s ass in an FBI raid. The scandal ended his quest for Speaker of the House so he is now the drive-through speaker at the Mankato Hardee’s.

These are just a few of the brave and dedicated members of Hardee’s SPU Unit, who all season long will pursue the crimes committed against the people by unscrupulous bedding grifters. They know they are caught as soon as they hear Josh say into the speaker, “Pull up to the second window, that will be five years to ten!”

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