The Clown Car Update for December 5, 2021

Posted: December 8, 2021 in New Post

It’s December and that can only mean one thing: We are all about to go into debt we will not be able to pay off until June. That’s right, the War on Christmas is raging on Fox News and we are all busy trying to beat the supply chain crisis while avoiding anti-vaxxer shoppers at Wal-Mart. Sometimes you have got to take a break and The Hallmark Channel is offering forty-one new Christmas movies to help you unwind and watch how they make forty-one different movies from the same script. But did you know that for every movie that makes it to the Hallmark Channel, over one hundred scripts are rejected? Hard to believe any are rejected but here ath the Clown Car Update we have found some of the Christmas Movies you will never see:

A Boebert Christmas: Laura Boebert, caught in a snowstorm, is forced to deliver her baby in the front seat of her Ford 150 and is forced to take shelter in a small village of idiots. She fools them into thinking she is the Virgin Mary and just gave birth to the Messiah after her husband Joseph was killed a way back changing a flat tire. They are so excited that they elect her to Congress on Christmas Eve.

Snow for Christmas: Donald Trump Jr. has just one wish this Christmas and that is for Santa to bring him a pile of cocaine. Santa leaves a ton of cocaine in the driveway on Christmas Eve but hilarity ensues when Kimberly Guilfoyle mistakes it for snow and blows it into the neighbor’s yard.

Melania’s F**king Christmas Stuff: Melania hates Christmas so on Christmas Eve she is visited by the ghost of Christmas future who shows her a hallway full of Christmas trees dipped in blood. Instead of frightening her, she decides to decorate the White House just like that.

An Anti-Vaccer Christmas: The residents of Nucklehead, Maine do not believe in the Coronavirus or vaccines. So on Christmas Eve, the Omicron strain visits the little town and kills everyone in it.

How Joe Manchin Stole Christmas: Joe Manchin hates Christmas so plots to take it away from the old and the poor by stealing their Social Security checks and food stamps on Christmas Eve and leaving them dirty piles of coal instead. But on Christmas Day he is surprised to find that Christmas came anyway because they all had direct deposit.

A Slammer of a Christmas: They stormed the Capitol and all they got was a lousy prison sentence but the QAnon guys have their Christmas hopes rising as rumors circulate that JFK, Jr. is going to appear on Cristmas Day as the new warden.

A White Trash Christmas: It’s Christmas in Georgia’s 14th Congressional District and Marjorie Taylor Greene has a plan to win the annual trailer decorating contest. Her plan goes awry when her husband comes home drunk and drives his truck into her Used Tire Christmas tree display.

Matt’s Gaetz Middle School Christmas: His van is decorated for the holidays and he’s parked outside the schoolyard. What lucky fourteen-year-old girls will get to see Matt’s Yule log this yearA Very Bannon Christmas: The Bannon family’s Christmas is threatened by an outbreak of head lice but is saved by an Orkin pest control man stuck in the snow outside the house. He de-louses the entire family and is invited to pick fleas off Steve at Christmas dinner.

A White, White, White Christmas: Host Tucker Carlson joins a cast of White supremacists singing the favorite Christmas carols of the New Confederacy including his favorites, “There’s a Reason Snow is White,” “Of Course Santa Clause Is White,” and “Adolph the Nazi Reindeer.”

And after Christmas join the gang at Fox News for their New Year’s Eve extravaganza and watch the new Tiffany Corona Virus ball drop to reveal what variant will ruin 2022!

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