The Clown Car Update for November 21, 2021

Posted: November 22, 2021 in New Post

This Thursday is Thanksgiving, the time of year we stop to celebrate the first feast of fall when the Native Americans brought corn and other harvests to the Pilgrims in exchange for anthrax. This past Friday President Biden pardoned a turkey (no, not Steve Bannon). This Friday, in the spirit of the season, people will line up at dawn in the parking lot of their local Wal-Mart ready to trample to death anyone who gets between them and that Black Friday special. But here at the Clown Car Update, we think it’s a time for us to reflect on the things we all should be thankful for and also some things we are not so thankful for. Here is our list:

Thankful: That we have a vaccine for our kids so they can return back to school safely.
Not Thankful: Matt Gaetz will be returning back to school in an unmarked van.

Thankful: If Marjorie Taylor Greene is not YOUR congressperson.
Not Thankful: That Marjorie Taylor Greene IS a congressperson.

Thankful: World leaders have agreed on a proposal to save the planet.
Not Thankful: Part of the planet is Florida.

Thankful: For the Thanksgiving turkey with stuffing.
Not Thankful: That Kyrsten Sinema insisted that before getting stuffing your turkey be means-tested.

Thankful: This year, thanks to vaccines, we can have Thanksgiving with our families.
Not Thankful: Thanks to vaccines, we have no excuse not to have Thanksgiving with our families.

Thankful: President Biden signed a 1.2 trillion dollar infrastructure bill.
Not Thankful: Half of that will be spent on delousing Steve Bannon.

Thankful: This year you will be allowed to stand for hours in Times Square to celebrate New Year’s Eve.
Not Thankful: Because of supply chain issues there is a shortage of adult diapers.

Thankful: Trump is no longer president.
Not Thankful: Trump was ever president.

Thankful: This year Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will allow spectators.
Not Thankful: The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will debut a Chris Christy balloon.

Thankful: Santa Clause will soon be stuffing all the stockings.
Not Thankful: For his support, Joe Manchin insisted that Santa stuff the stockings with coal.

Thankful: For Big Bird.
Not Thankful: For Ted Cruz.

And if all else fails, remember you should be thankful that you are not Joe Rogan, you are not Elon Musk, and you are not Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend!

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