The Clown Car Update for November 7, 2021

Posted: November 8, 2021 in New Post

Congresswoman Lauren Boebert opposes President Joe Biden’s plan to offer family leave time to anyone having a child. Why? Because Rep. Boebert knows that real American women don’t have time for family leave. Unlike the current Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, she knows that a Republican Transportation Secretary would have remained on the job making sure our roads and bridges continue to crumble before our eyes. And she just doesn’t understand how a man had a baby anyway!

And congresswoman Boebert doesn’t just blab the blab, she struts her stuff! She quit high school in her senior year to pursue her dream of a career as a professional pole dancer. To pay the bills, she took a job as a third-assistant manager at the Rifle, Colorado McDonalds. There she learned that government assistance wasn’t necessary when you could pick yourself up by your ammunition belt and become a pistol-packin’ drive-thru window attendant.

After obtaining her GED, she used her newfound skill at writing her name to sign a petition to run for the U.S. Congress. And like all American women’s dreams, she finally got to Washington and got to see all the wonderful things her former classmates enjoyed on their senior trip. And she went right to work fomenting an insurrection against her new employer and advocating for everyone’s right to open-carry at your local Hooters. That is why she is now introducing a bill that would be a QAnon alternative to President Biden’s family leave bill. This bill is designed for the American woman on the go with no time to spare, just like Rep. Boebert. Do you know she once gave birth to one of her demon seeds in the1 front seat of a pickup truck, tied up the umbilical cord around the stick shift, and went right back to work slinging Egg McMuffins and hash browns! Well, she wants you to have the same freedom from health care and hospitals as she had, that is before she became a member of congress. The bill is F-150 named after the pickup truck she herself gave birth in. Here’s what’s in her bill:

  • Your choice of paid-in-full birthing pickup trucks. Choose from her favorite F-150, the ever-popular Dodge Ram, or the heavy duty Chevy Silverado with a trailer hitch in case you want to bring your home along.
  • Free afterbirth cleaning of your truck at Ren and Stimpy’s dollar car wash and pet grooming center. For an additional fee, get yourself cleaned up there too!
  • A free baby carrier harness so you can drive directly to your job at Burger King holding your newborn in one hand while flipping burgers with the other.
  • A coupon from Red Robin for a free appetizer with the purchase of an entree at the regular price. Offer not valid near Texas abortion clinics.
  • A $50 bail-bond for one occasion of public drunkenness.

So call your Senator and congressperson today and tell them to support Bill F-150 and free American women from unnecessary interaction with their families. Because Rep. Boebert knows that your life is not as empty as her head!

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