The Clown Car Update for October 31, 2021

Posted: October 31, 2021 in New Post

It’s the scariest time of year again, the time for headless creatures, ghouls, witches, and freaks. In other words, the Republican party. But it is also time for Halloween and taking the kids out at night dressed as their favorite characters to see which of your neighbors are potential serial killers. There are bound to be many pirates, princesses, Mandalorians, and Black Panthers. But if supply chain issues have left you costume challenged this year, fear not because the Clown Car Update has good news. Our special Halloween store is open until dark tonight and we have the most trending costumes of 2021. Welcome to our MAGA store, that’s Make America Ghastly Again with your favorite Republican characters. And sorry to say, all these characters were made in America! Here are some of the scariest characters made popular this year and have been in your nightmares almost every night:

  • It comes with a big plastic mouth, a megaphone, and the wretched stench of a gym rat. That’s right, it’s the Marjorie Taylor Greene Halloween costume guaranteed to scare off any left-leaning kids on the block who may be tempted to dress as AOC. This costume comes with a large megaphone and a Jewish Space Laser, so watch out! No treats and you’ll find your shrubs burning like a California wildfire. Best of all, there is no mask with this costume!
  • What Halloweener gives out candy? Well wonder no more if you’re wearing the Matt Gaetz prom night costume. Yes, you can have fun all night luring underage girls into your included Van parked across from the local middle school. The kit comes with a wild wig made from the finest rat fur available in the New York subway system and comes with an optional Joel Greenberg dummy companion. Sorry, we do not accept Venmo.
  • Even on Halloween you may need a good lawyer. Well, we don’t have one but this Rudy Giuliani costume will scare off lawsuits just by its looks. It has no neck and comes with a denture insert that squirts spittle when you say “Trick or Treat!” And the spittle reservoir has enough capacity so you are guaranteed to spray the entire neighborhood with spittle to spare!. And the pants come with a convenient front pouch just like you see in the latest Borat movie, enough room for extra candy or to fix your junk between houses. Sorry, the Abraham Lincoln filters are out of stock.
  • What has a big red nose and is always flying as high as a Blue Origin penis missile? No, no it’s not Rudolph. It’s our Donald Trump, Jr. costume complete with a wagon full of stuffed dead animals and a large bag of cocaine. And if your little man has a sister you will definitely want to add the Kimberly Guilfoyle with a head that screams “THE BEST IS YET TO COME!” Fox interviewer sold separately.
  • What smells like a municipal sewage treatment plant, has hair like a troll with a syphilitic infection, and has a pocket full of Congressional subpoenas? It’s our Steve Bannon Halloween costume complete with fake lice and realistic ticks and fleas. Here’s a warning, though. Other buyers of this costume report they were offered more soap and shampoo than candy. Flea collars available in Halloween colors.
  • And what Halloween would be complete without a Werewolf in sheep’s clothing or disguised as a Democrat. Introducing our Joe Manchin Halloween costume and it comes packaged in the back pocket of a fat lobbyist. And you better give this kid a treat or you’ll end up having your Social Security benefits taken away. Don’t get into a long conversation if he comes knocking because he loves to filibuster. And don’t make the mistake that Santa Claus made with this kid and threaten him with coal. He loves it more than his yacht!

Order your MAGA costume right now and this Halloween turn your neighborhood into the same hellscape these characters have made our country. At MAGA, we have the FREAKS!

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