It’s been five months since the attack on the Capitol on January 6 and some of you insurrectionists are understandably depressed. Some of you have been arrested, others have just been rejected on their dating apps. But for some of you, the loss of Trump and the false hopes of QAnon have left you, well, sexually challenged. There is a medical name for it. It’s called Lost Insurrection Major Penis Erectile Dysfunction or LIMPD.
If you have been LIMPD since January 6, you are not alone. Over one-thousand men have reported a lack of insurrection erections since returning home or to a federal holding facility. In fact, just this past Memorial Day weekend, at a conference of LIMPD QAnon true believers, a question was asked of Michael Flynn, “I want to know why what happened in Minamar [sic] can’t happen here?” (Of course the questioner meant “Myanmar” but no one really expects QAnon to know anything about real countries.) Well, we know that the question was just code for “What if you can’t get it up anymore since Trump stopped torturing children at the border! I’m asking for a friend!”
Well, boys, there is hope! Here at the Clown Car Labs we have teamed up with Antifa/BLM Pharmaceuticals to bring back that just-committed-a-federal-crime feeling to your penis with INS-ERECTION, the blue pill for that LIMPD dick. INS-ERECTION is specially formulated to work fast so when your sister says, “I’m READY!” you are ready to go before mom and dad get home! Our formula is a combination of bear spray, pepper spray, and fibers taken from insurrection-used Trump flags to offer quick flashbacks of the day you showed the world you were a very SPECIAL asshat. Now you can have a Capitol riot in your pants anytime the time is right.
Don’t take INS-ERECTION if you are in jail or expect to be in jail. Stop using INS-ERECTION if you develop an allergic reaction to democracy or if you have a family history of Nazis. People using INS-ERECTION have reported having thoughts of Jewish Space Lasers and ballot eating chickens. If you have such thoughts, seek medical attention. If you have an erection lasting more than four hours, call Matt Gaetz to get hooked up with a high school freshman.
So when at your next family reunion your cousin says “meet me out in the barn” or that Marjorie Taylor Greene blow-up doll is looking tempting, be ready with INS-ERECTION. INS-ERECTION: Helping Trump thumpers stand up for America!
The Poorly Written Political Blog 