The next exciting Trump rally is over one hundred miles away and you don’t have a car, possibly missing your last chance to inhale the infected droplets from a fat old man screaming “lock her up!” How will you get there, you wonder, pacing up and down like a Russian hooker with a full bladder. Well, just relieve yourself on that Trump poster and relax because MAGA Coach Lines in partnership with One Way Ticket Solutions has a solution. We are now offering bus trips to all the Trump super-spreader events in a recently fumigated motorcoach for the low, low price of seven hundred and fifty dollars. That’s right, for the price of Trump’s tax bill you can be on your way to a MAGA rally with all your deplorable friends. Here’s what you get to make your super-spreader experience the best ever:
- A ticket for a ride to the event in an enclosed bus with most of its windows intact. If you are sensitive to drafts, we will try to seat you on the aisle. If aisle space is not available, we will provide plastic sheeting but you must provide your own duct tape.
- Discount rental of folding chairs. Unfortunately, our motor coaches have had their original seats removed due to a recent bedbug infestation. Please reserve your folding chair when you call for your tickets as supplies are limited.
- Individualized urine collection bottles for trips of more than two hours. Our restrooms have recently been ordered closed by the Department of Health and the Department of Transportation pending an investigation of a still unidentified rash experienced by several of our passengers.
- A boxed lunch. We don’t know when it was boxed or if it is actually lunch, but it does have something that was once edible in a probably never opened container. Bon appétit!
- A discount coupon for 10% off an intubation and Clorox treatment.
Hurry and make your reservations now because there are only two days left to experience the spray of COVID-19 shouted by your favorite cult leader. And remember, as with everything with Donald Trump, this trip only goes one way!
The Poorly Written Political Blog 