The Clown Car Update for May 10, 2020

Posted: May 11, 2020 in New Post

If you’ve been to the grocery store, hardware store, or home improvement center you will notice one item in very short supply if you see them at all. They are Clorox disinfecting wipes. This is not surprising since they claim to wipe out viruses in less time than it takes Trump to have sex with a porn star. So it comes as no surprise that these handy little germ killers flew off the shelves faster than a Russin hooker can wet a bedsheet. So now what do you do? Well, Donnie Trump has an answer, and, like it or not, it may eliminate the need for disinfecting wipes altogether.

Introducing Trump Pandemic Wipe-Aways. That’s right, Trump now offers you the chance to completely eliminate the need for self-isolation, social distancing, and wearing a mask. With Trump Pandemic Wipe-Away cloths you will eliminate ninety-nine percent of all memory that COVID-19 ever existed. Pandemic Task Force? Wiped away! Dr. Fauci? Wiped away! Your grandparents? Wiped away! That’s right, just forget there ever was a COVID-19 virus and all your problems are wiped away!

Developed by the same stable genius that brought you Lysol intravenous therapy, Trump Pandemic Wipe-Aways is the perfect solution to opening up this great country. Get back to the beaches, dine at your favorite restaurant, cheer on your favorite sports team without the guilt that your activities just sent Nana to the ICU. But what’s more important, Nana, or your stock portfolio?

And Trump Pandemic Wipe-Aways come in convenient travel pouches so you can wipe away any thoughts of the coronavirus while you wipe away everyone in the supermarket. They fit easily in your purse or pocket so anytime someone tries to shame you for not wearing a mask, just whip out a Wipe-Away and sneeze in their face.

So listen to Donald Trump and get on with the business of the country and forget about the pandemic hoax. Get Trump Pandemic Wipe-Aways today and eat, drink, and party like there’s no tomorrow because, for most of you, there really isn’t!

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