The Clown Car Update for April 29, 2018

Posted: April 29, 2018 in New Post

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Lawyers, if you ever had a client like Donald J. Trump, you know the value of silence. But between his Twitter account and phone line to Fox and Friends, it’s hard to get him to shut up. But just in time for Trump’s new legal team comes Pie Hole Duct Tape. Pie Hole Duct Tape has so many uses you will never run out of ideas. Does Trump want to call Fox and Friends this morning? Well, just apply Pie Hole Duct Tape to his mouth and all they hear are muffled rambling. They will never notice the difference! And how about those early morning Tweets? For those occasions try Twitter Thumbs Duct Tape and securely tape his thumbs to his wrist for a secure hold even on his most angry mornings. With his thumbs taped to his wrist, he can’t hold a phone. In fact, he can’t even hold a chicken leg. So get Pie-Hole Duct Tape and the companion Twitter Thumb Duct Tape and be a lawyer who can sleep at night again.

Now this week, as Donald Trump’s legal problems piled up, he reached out for additional representation. A desperate search by his legal team ended after being turned down by the law firm of Chargum, Lotts, and Moore. In desperation, the president was about to name Kanye West to his legal team when Rudy Giuliani announced that he would come to the rescue.  He promptly began negotiations with Robert Mueller but had to deliver some bad news. What bad news did Rudy deliver to Trump?  Here are the top ten things Donald J. Trump does not want to hear from his attorneys:

10.  “We are going to have to bill you by the lie”

9.   “One of your attorneys hired an attorney and now he needs an attorney”

8.   “The FBI just raided Ronnie Jackson’s office and took the scale”

7.  “Vladimir sold the pee-pee tape on eBay to a bidder named MuellerFBI

6.  “Donald Jr and Eric just flipped”

5.  “They subpoenaed your MacDonald’s drive-through records”

4.  “That Easter Bunny was an FBI agent”

3.  “Macrone has the bedsheets”

2. “Avenatti just called with an offer and we’re going to work for him!”

1.  “Melania’s hat was wired”

 

 

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