The Clown Car Update for February 11, 2018

Posted: February 12, 2018 in New Post

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The Russians have one on May Day.  The French have one on Bastille Day.  The North Koreans have one every day.  Now Donald Trump is pouting and whining to the Pentagon that he wants one too! That’s right, a big military parade where Donnie can watch all the people who didn’t have bone spurs march in front of him and salute his fat ass.

But is one parade a year enough for Fat Donnie? Probably not, so plans are underway to convert Pentagon City into a gigantic theme park dedicated to Trump himself.  In an exclusive report, the Clown Car Update has obtained the Pentagon’s plan which is codenamed “Operation Pacifier”.  Here are some of the attractions that are being planned:

Mission to Russia: Don’t eat lunch before getting in line, because it’s a topsy-turvy ride through Moscow during the 2013 Miss Universe Pagent. It’s like you are right there with Donnie, walking into a hotel room with three of your favourite Russian hookers. But you better wear a bathing suit because those sprinklers are about to give you a golden shower as realistic as the one Donnie got. And the best part, at the end of the ride, you get a videotape of your adventure just like the one Putin put together for Donnie.

The Trump Tunnel of Love: This is a fun ride for any Trump lover. You may enter with your wife or girlfriend, but you come out the other end with a famous porn star! But don’t worry, at the end of the ride your porn star will give you a non-disclosure agreement so you can deny everything to your wife. And where IS your wife? Don’t worry, her and that Secret Service agent found a car of their own!

Trump Tower of Terror: If you have a weak heart, this is not the ride for you. You fly up and down faster than Natalia Veselnitskaya trying to pass out dirt on Hillary Clinton. Enter at your own risk because on every floor you will meet a Trump. In the lobby, you are greeted by creepy Eric drooling on himself and asking you if you have a juice box and a straw. Then the elevator takes you faster and faster up to the top floor where you are chased by Donald himself wearing nothing but his tidy whities! And just when you think he is about to go all Stormy Daniels on you the elevator flies you back down to the lobby. This ride leaves everyone sick to their stomach. Everyone gets a tee shirt though. It says, “I saw Donnie in his underwear and all I got was this lousy teeshirt!”

Trumpcot Center: This is a celebration of all the shithole countries in the world. Visit all the shithouse cultures that Donald Trump wants to keep from coming to the United States. Haiti, Puerto Rico, and of course the entire country of Africa. I know, Puerto Rico is part of the United States and Africa is a continent, but not at Trumpcot Center! And at Trumpcot, we have countries you’ve never heard of, like Normay and Binomo! And stay for the fireworks at night when we blow up North Korea!

The Daily Military Parade: This is the reason you came, the daily Grand Trump Military Parade chuck full of phallic symbols.  Long, fat missiles and the biggest nuclear button ever, way bigger than Rocket Man’s! And there are soldiers, thousands of them marching without a single bone spur. And watching it all is Donald Trump, dressed in a uniform designed just for him by the experts at the Pentagon. And on the Commander-In-Chief’s chest are the Medal of Valor for Keeping Eric, The Studio 54 Perfect Attendance Ribbon, The Distinguished Service Condom for Avoiding VD, and The Purple Prick for wounding his penis during Operation Stormy Daniels.

So don’t be a weepy Omarosa! Gather up the family and start planning now to visit the newest theme park right in the heart of Virginia. Do what Donald does every day and leave reality behind and enjoy the fantasy of a world made just for you! And remember, here in Trump World loving Donald is not only fun, it’s the law!

 

 

 

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