The Clown Car Update for February 4, 2018

Posted: February 4, 2018 in New Post

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Washington was rocked this week with the revelation of a classified memo in the possession of the Trump administration. It reveals classified information that exposes secrets about how our government has been conducting the people’s business for the last year. No, I am not speaking of the Nunes memo that came out on Friday but a secret memo that was sent by Dr Ronny Jackson to Trump’s Chief-of-Staff shortly after his physical. The Clown Car has obtained a copy of this classified memo. It explains a lot and here it is, exclusively from The Clown Car Update team:

TO: Gen. John Kelly, Chief-of-Staff
FROM: Adm. Ronny Jackson, MD
RE: [Male President 1]

During my recent examination of the [Male President 1], it was revealed that he is suffering from syphilitic dementia. We became suspicious when during his mental test he repeatedly identified a rhinoceros as his father in a KKK hood. We became further alarmed when during a Rorschach test, he described an ink blot as his mother Melania. A physical exam revealed that he has what would normally be described as a very tiny lesion that in this case covered the entire genital area.  A biopsy of the lesion revealed it came from an aggressive strain of syphilis common to Studio 54 during the 1970s. A CT scan of Trump’s head revealed nothing.

We are writing this memo to alert you to some signs you should look for in case you want to consider a 25th Amendment remedy.

  • Abnormal gait – You may notice he is walking like he has a load in his Depends.
  • Confusion, disorientation – For example not able to distinguish between CJ and DJ
  • Sudden personality changes – For example, he may appoint you to run the FBI and then order you to be arrested.
  • Changes in mental stability – This one may be difficult to spot.
  • Urinary incontinence – This one he may actually enjoy.
  • Shrinking of hands and feet
  • Dry mouth – May result in slurring words like “cities” and “states” to sound like “titties” and “schatch”.
  • Memory problems – May forget that he is married, especially in the presence of a famous porn star.
  • Muscle contractions – Especially in the thumbs during the early morning hours. If possible, keep his phone out of reach.
  • Poor concentration – He may only read three or four words of a security brief and then scream “witch hunt!”

If you or any of your staff observe any of these symptoms, let me know immediately. We are asking to classify this memo as top secret due to the sensitivity of the subject matter. Also, because the public report of [Male President 1]’s physical was total bullshit. I mean really, you believed one-hundred thirty-nine pounds? If you did, I have a memo from Devin Nunes to give sell you!

 

 

 

 

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