The Clown Car Update for December 10, 2017

Posted: December 10, 2017 in New Post

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This week, for the second time this year, Donald Trump’s speech became slurred and unintelligible. The incident startled reporters and stunned leaders around the world. Hours later, at the White House daily press briefing, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was forced to acknowledge that the president of the United States is suffering from a condition called Liar’s Cotton Mouth.

As a result, as a public service, The Tim Corrimal Show, The Clown Car Update, and the Organization For Dry Mouth Awareness along with The Ad Council  would like to present the following public service announcement:

One in three hundred and sixty million people in the United States are diagnosed with Liar’s Cotton Mouth each year. This devastating disease can go unnoticed until it is too late, sometimes until you are elected president. It is important that you recognize the signs of Liar’s Cotton Mouth so that the disease can be caught early. Some of the signs of Liar’s Cotton Mouth are:

  • Slurring the words “The United States”
  • Excessive sniffing
  • An orange-tinged to the skin
  • A need to be loved by Russian Oligarchs
  • Compulsive Tweeting
  • Golden Shower Syndrome
  • Tiny Hand Syndrome
  • Undeveloped genitalia

Unchecked, Liar’s Cotton Mouth can progress to a complete lack of self-control and a fusing of the victim’s tongue to the roof of the mouth. In its final stages, the victim may even become unable to recognize an indictment coming. Worse, Liar’s Cotton Mouth can be passed on to a victim’s children in the form of Russian Amnesia.  Don’t let Liar’s Cotton Mouth turn your loved one into another Donald Trump. If you recognize any of its signs, contact the Special Prosecutor’s office right away.  Special treatment is available in the form of plea agreement.  You may even qualify to be wired for covert law enforcement activities.

Marco Rubio, a Liar’s Cotton Mouth survivor, ask that you don’t just reach for a water bottle. Marco warns that recognizing the warning signs of Liar’s Cotton Mouth may prevent further damage, leading to starting a war in the Middle East or Tweeting out a confession of obstruction of justice. Help is available. It starts with recognizing that you are a total fraud. Call your Special Prosecutor’s office today. It may save you some jail time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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