The Clown Car Update for November 19, 2017

Posted: November 19, 2017 in New Post

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Well, this week we will celebrate Thanksgiving Day and what would it be without the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. This year will be featuring brand new balloons representing the most popular characters from the past year. No more Sponge Bob, Ronald McDonald or Underdog. Instead, we have a brand new lineup and the Clown Car is here to give you a sneak preview of the big parade. So here we go with the leadoff balloon…

…The Jeff Sessions Balloon: Remember the Elf on the Shelf? Well, step aside because there’s a new elf in town and it’s Attorney General Jeff Sessions. This balloon is the smallest in this year’s parade and by far the most confused. Listen carefully and you can hear him say over and over “I don’t remember, I don’t remember.”  He had ten handlers, all members of the Alabama Marching Ku Klux Klan. No Russians there, just pure white hooded Americans! And who is that coming right up on Jeff’s ass? Why it’s…

…The Donald Trump Balloon: The Pillsbury Dough Boy has nothing on this guy. But this big guy is orange is filled with over ten million cubic feet of colon gas produced from the farts of ten thousand volunteers at the local Kentucky Fried Chicken. And don’t let those tiny hands fool you. He has an executive order in one hand and a KFC bucket in the other. Watch out for leaks on this one, the smell would clear out Sixth Avenue. Now, what is that hovering over this balloon? Why it’s…

…The Russian Hookers Balloon: Look out! Here come the three Russian hookers each one containing full bladders of yellow liquid. Every time the Donald Trump balloon rolls over, the crowd is treated to a shower of golden liquid so realistic that Christopher Steele can’t tell the difference. And look who’s chasing the Russian hookers! It’s…

…The Roy Moore Balloon: Who else would you expect chasing Russian hookers but Judge Roy Moore. He has the Ten Commandments in one hand and where is that other hand? Well, we just don’t know but you might want to hide your daughters, dads. This balloon could be found now and until Christmas stalking girls at shopping malls all around Alabama. Well, help is on the way because here comes…

…The Jared Kushner Balloon: This balloon doesn’t do much but stand there and smile. If you listen closely, once in a while it will squeak, but it mostly just lays there with a stupid grin on his face. You can find this balloon in its permanent home on 666 Fifth Avenue and by the way, it’s for sale for the right amount of Rubles. And did someone say ‘Rubles’? Well, look out. here comes…

…The Donald Trump, Jr. Balloon: Yep, Donnie Jr. loves his Rubles and dirt on Hillary Clinton. Sad to say that this balloon will not be making it to the end of the parade because of a WikiLeak. And what would a Don, Jr. Balloon be without his brother,,,

…The Eric Trump Balloon: This one has a lot of air, but most of it is in its head. And hey, it’s moving in the wrong direction! And look out Eric, you are about to bump into…

…The Melania Balloon: She is dropping her high heels and putting on her flood sneakers and making a break for it. She appears to be waving goodbye to the Donald Sr balloon. Very realistic!

And now the finale of this year’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, what all the kids are waiting for, the big man himself. No, not Santa Clause! It’s Bob Muller, in a beautiful pinstripe suit surrounded by all his little helpers, the FBI elves. He is handing out subpoenas and his elves are putting the cuffs on all the Trump balloons. What a great finale to this parade and a great way to start the prosecution season. Happy Holidays all!

 

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