The Clown Car Update for September 24, 2017

Posted: September 24, 2017 in New Post

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On Thursday, Axios reported that Sean Spicer was known to have taken copious notes during his career, including his time as White House Press Secretary. Those notes will be what Axios describes as a “honey pot” of information that the Meuller team will undoubtedly be interested in reading. The Clown Car was able to discover some of the revelations contained in those notes:

  • As part of his job as press secretary, Spicer was expected to clean up after the president played with his Leggos.
  • Trump never wore pants in the Oval Office.
  •  Steve Bannon would often give Sean a wedgie right before a press briefing, accounting for his frequent foul moods
  • Trump once spent an entire day trying to call the prime minister of Nambia.
  • After every conversation with Putin, Trump would wet himself.
  • During that famous press briefing the day after the inauguration, Spicer was wearing a suit he borrowed from Chris Christie.
  • Donald Trump’s pajamas have a picture of  Vladimir Putin’s on the trap door.
  • When Donald Trump was unhappy with one of Spicer’s performances, he would have Kelly Anne Conway repeatedly kick him in the balls.
  • Mike Pence’s hair is actually made from dryer lint.
  • Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a computer-generated image.
  • Before hiring Anthony Scaramucci, Donald Trump offered the job of Communications Director to “Snooky” Polizzi.
  • Last Easter, Reince Priebus once tried to escape the White House by hiding in Sean Spicer’s bunny costume.
  • Kelly Anne Conway once ate the liver of one of her staffers with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
  • John Kelly made Steve Bannon wear a flea and tick collar.

On July 21, Sean Spicer became unemployed, ending an epic run of six months. As far as future employment, Sean will be appearing daily on Times Square as Yosemite Sam, so be sure to tip him.

 

 

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