The Clown Car Update for August 13, 2017

Posted: August 13, 2017 in New Post

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The crisis with North Korea heated up this morning with new threats being exchanges between Washington and Pyongyang. In a series of manic tweets, Donald Trump warned that if Kim Jong-un continues to threaten the United States, it will result in a pissing contest “the likes of which the world has never seen before.” Tweeting in the pre-dawn morning Sunday, Trump said, “I mean this will be a literal pissing contest. I will personally go to North Korea and piss all over their puny nuclear warhead. And believe me, I am able to to that because I assure you there is no problem down there, no matter what Little Kim or Little Marco said about me!”

Kim was quick to fire back tweeting, “He’s always calling me Little Kim, but for a man over six feet tall, he must have the penis of a. Just look at those tiny hands. And you know what they say about a man with tiny hands?” Trump responded with another tweet. “Little Kim best not keep saying I have a little penis or he will feel its fire and fury!” to which Kim quickly replied, “Sounds like a urinary tract infection. If I were him, I would get that looked at. That’s if they could locate his tiny penis.” Kim added, “We consider his penis no more than a lump which we can beat to a jelly any time.”

That last remark seemed to set Trump off and he ordered Gen. Mattis to prepare for a major global pissing contest. “I will piss on Kim like a Russian hooker,” Trump tweeted, “and it won’t be pretty, believe me! My dick is locked and loaded!” For his part, Secretary Mattis and cautioned the president against threats that would cause a miscalculation. “This could get very messy quickly. He may try to piss on Kim and end up pissing all over the people in Seoul. Anyone who has seen his bathroom floor knows his aim is not very good. And he always leaves the seat up,” Mattis said.

Reaction across the country and the world was mixed. Critics of the president denounced the idea of public urination. One mother told us, “For parents with bedwetters, this is a disaster.” But supporters had a different view. Anthony Scaranucci, Trump’s former communication’s chief said, “I love the president. I love when he pisses on people. As the Mooch always says, ‘better pissed off than pissed on.” But for the people of Guam, there was this dire warning: “If the piss starts to fly, do not look up as it will blind you. Also, do not use conditioner on your hair as it will bind urine to your hair.”

As for who would win a pissing contest between Trump and Kim, it seems some people have no doubt. Five Russian hookers in a joint statement issued this warning to the North Korean leader: “Don’t bet against Donald Trump in a pissing contest. Take it from us, this guy could take a soaking!”

 

 

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