The Clown Car Update for July 16, 2017

Posted: July 16, 2017 in New Post

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The Clown Car update has learned that the White House is planning more restrictive procedures to be put in place regarding the format of the daily briefing. Sources close to the White House communication office told the Clown Car Update that effective immediately, the identity of the person at the podium will be concealed from reporters. Various methods of concealment are being discussed including shadow screens and voice distortion equipment. But our sources tell us that there is a consensus forming around the idea of the person at the podium wearing a paper bag over their head.

The paper bag idea has been gaining momentum since the president is a big fan of the Gong Show’s “Unknown Comic”, Murray Langston. Our sources tell us that Langston, who developed a cult following in the  ’70s, has been an informal advisor to Trump on matters of national security and domestic policy, which may explain some of the comedic aspects of Trump’s agenda. Langston has previously proposed replacing the Affordable Care Act with a free first aid kit for all Americans as universal health coverage.  That idea apparently gained no traction on Capitol Hill. Langston was first consulted when both Sean Spicer and Sarah Huckabee Sanders expressed growing embarrassment with being identified with on camera briefings. Sources tell us that they no longer wanted to be associated with the Trump administration on live television. Langston faced similar embarrassment when he agreed to participate on the Gong Show. Fearing he would harm his reputation as a comic, he chose to appear on the show with a paper bag over his head.

The plan is to have the person at the podium wearing a large, brown paper bag with cutouts for their eyes and mouth. Also, to further disguise their identity, they would all wear cheap leisure suits. Steve Banon reportedly was insisting that the bags be white, but it was ultimately decided that white bags would be bad optics. There will also be some ground rules to go along with the paper bags. First, no reporter is to ask who is wearing the bag. White House bags are now considered classified. Bag wearing is restricted to the presenter only. All reporters must be bag free.

If the paper bag does not ultimately get the approval of the president, there is one other plan he is said to favor that was brought up at his meeting with Vladimir Putin last week, which is to have Sean and Sarah appear as two Russian nesting dolls.

 

 

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