The Clown Car Update for June 18, 2017

Posted: June 18, 2017 in New Post

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Matthew 26: 17-30

The Last Cabinet Meeting 

On the one hundred and forty-second day of the Festival of Alternative Facts, the disciples came to Trump and asked, “Where do you want us to make preparations for you to eat the truth?”

He replied, “Go into the Cabinet Room to a certain man named Kushner and tell him, ‘The Orange Oracle says: The appointed time is near. I am going to celebrate the how great I am with my disciples in the White House’” So the disciples did as Babygod had directed them and prepared the spectacle.

When the time came, Trump was reclining at the table with the Fifteen. And while they were tripping over themselves trying to be the first to kiss his ample ass, he said, “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.”

They were very sad and began to say to him one after the other, “Surely you don’t mean me, Lord Trump?”

Trump replied, “The one who has dipped his lips into my ass will leak stuff.The Son of Fred lies just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who leaks bad things about the Son of Fred! It would be better for him if he had not been born, BIGLY”

While they were eating, Trump pulled down his pants and bent over saying, “Come and kiss this, this is my ass!” 

Then he pulled up his pants, and when he had given thanks, said, “Sing hymns of praise of me!”

And they sang, one by one, as parrots in a nut house.

Apostle Pence sang“It is just the greatest privilege of my life is to lie for you with a straight face and serve as the chief ass-kisser to the Great Leader who has assembled a team of the most pathetic self-serving sycophants. With you, I will finally have the opportunity to completely destroy what is left of reality and democracy which I so miserably failed to do alone as a congressman or governor.  

Apostle Sessions sang: “We are receiving, as you know — I’m not sure the rest of these lesser apostles understand — the support of sleazebags,  all over America. They have been very frustrated having to hide under rocks and damp cracks in the basement. They are so thrilled that, due to your greatness, they can now walk in the light of day and openly hate anyone not white, straight, or male. You have blessed me with the opportunity to do what I do best, pretend to be a decent human being while stonewalling every effort to expose you or me for what we are, a miserable nail fungus on the toes of America. Oh, and you are not under investigation!”

Apostle Mulvaney sang:Oh Lord Trump, thank you for a budget that allows us to starve worthless people who need starving. At the same time, with your holy blessing, we have been able to focus on the forgotten man and woman, who labor under the burden of having billions of dollars and the indignity of having to pay taxes. Trump be praised!”

Apostle Chao: Oh holy and blessed Trump, it was infrastructure week and you came to the Department of Transportation and thrilled hundreds and hundreds of people hanging out watching you walking on water. Who needs new bridges, right? And the buffet you arranged with just one fish and one loaf was a miracle, BIGLY!

Apostle Perry: “You found me wondering in the wilderness of Texas and brought me into the light of your greatness. When I couldn’t remember the third thing, you not only made me remember but also put me in charge of it. You have taught me that the Department of Energy is the Department of high-energy not low energy like Jeb Bush. Because of you, we are no longer held hostage to facts but can now claim that climate change is a Chinese hoax, just like those Chinese finger traps I was stuck in last night in my hotel room.”

Apostle Carson: “Like Lazarus, you have raised me from the dead sleep of unconsciousness to help me serve you and not to help any American. Praise you for Popeye Organizations and big belt buckles. I pray you keep me in perpetual slumber, amen.”

When they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olive Garden for lunch.

This is the word of the Lord.

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