The Clown Car Update for June 4, 2017

Posted: May 31, 2017 in New Post

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This week, Donald Trump posted an early morning tweet that to the majority of people not on crack made absolutely no sense. It went like this: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” When he was asked about the  “covfefe” tweet during a press conference, Spicy told our reporters, “The President and a small group of people know exactly what he meant”. Right. Which means that the president has completely lost his mind and fell asleep on the toilet. Well, our Clown Car reporters dug deeper into the mystery of “covfefe” and found that this is not the only code word Trump’s staff has had to explain. We found a partial list of other words that Trump invented to express his delusions. Here is a partial list:

Peememe: This means “I’m ready for you to piss on me” It was used between Trump and his Russian contacts as a signal to send in the peeing hookers. Used in a Tweet it would be “This was such a stressful day and I’m horney peememe”

Putdada: This means “Putin is my daddy”. It is how Vladimir Putin demands Donald Trump to start any conversation with himself or a Russian official. On Twitter, it would look like “Obama tapped my wires Putindada”

Scooptutu: This means “Since I’m the president, everyone gets one scoop of ice cream and I get two” This is obviously a really big deal to Trump, along with the fact that he gets the extra chicken sauce and the largest diet Coke.  On Twitter, it would be “I just had a great dinner. Nuked Syria, then had the best chocolate cake scooptutu”

Combama: This is a vision Trump has in his most dreaded nightmare. In it, he is chased by a man with Jim Comey’s body and Barack Obama’s head. This explains his tweet “Bad man, sick man, Combama!”

Obamtap: This is used when the voices inside Donald’s head start telling him someone is watching him and leaking information.  He hallucinates that Obama is under his desk listening to his phone conversations. He tweets “Funny noises in my head, obamatap!”

Inteloopse: Sometimes, when meeting with Russian spies, Trump has been known to blurt out top secret information like the name of American spies working in the Kremlin. Trump then tweets “Inteloops!”

Endhaphape: This is a code word known only to Trump’s most trusted advisors. It is used when he is bragging about his sexual exploits in Russia. It means “happy ending”.  In a tweet, it would be “The girls just gave me a golden shower and endhaphap.”

Hoodwinke: This word is a nod of appreciation to the KKK and white supremacists. As we all know, Trump loves his supporters, especially those white ones, who sometimes wear hoods.  on Twitter it looks like this, “I don’t even know David Duke hoodwink”

Popepoope: A code word for “the Pope’s evil and full of shit” in a tweet, it would look like “The Pope just handed me his encyclical on climate change popepoop.”

Now, the Clown Car reporters were only able to obtain a partial list of these code words. Our sources tell us that some code words are only known to Donald himself. For example, tinypeepee, badshrinkage, poopedpants, and wigglue. For now, we will leave those interpretations to you!

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