The Clown Car Update for May 14, 2017

Posted: May 14, 2017 in New Post

426

Episode 426 of The Tim Corrimal Show

Has this ever happened to you? Your boss just fired the FBI director and never gave you a heads-up? The White House press pool is yelling for you outside your door but you don’t want to come out? Your bunny suit is at the dry cleaners so there is nowhere you can hide? Well, this doesn’t have to happen anymore.  Now from the makers of Chia Donald Trump and Chia Kelly Anne Conway comes Instant Shrubbery. With Instant Shrubbery just a few sprays and you are instantly covered from head to toe in plush greenery. And you know the saying, if you can’t see the press then the press can’t see you.

So turn out all the lights and slip into obscurity so no one can see you or hear your answers. You’re not hiding in the bushes, you are just among the bushes but reporters questions go right over the plush greens. And the best thing is that they cannot hear your answers. There are no more worries about your inability to pronounce even the simplest of English words because the shrubs muffle your answers anyway! The trouble with Russian names like Lavrov and Kislyak are lasterday’s problem with Instant Shrubbery. And Instant Shrubbery comes with an adjustable nozzle so you can match the strength of the shrubs to the difficulty of the press conference. Set it on light for questions from Newsmax or InfoWars, turn it up to Fox News medium, or pump the strength all the way up to Glenn Trush emergency or CNN heavy duty. Whatever the job, Instant Shrubbery has the right setting for the right questions.

With Instant Shrubbery you get the peace of mind of knowing that whatever you tell them you can deny tomorrow and blame it on the muffled sound caused by the rustling leaves. In fact, you can claim it wasn’t even you giving the answers because you were hidden by so much brush that they can’t prove you were even there. Think of all the trips to that empty parking garage Deep Throat had to make to uncover Watergate. If he had Instant Shrubbery, he could have tipped off Woodward and Burnstein in the comfort of his own backyard.

Order now and we will send you a can of Instant Shrubbery with the handy adjustable spray nozzle for the unbelievable price or $19.95 plus shipping and money laundering fees. And if you order withing the next 30 minutes, we will include a second can of Instant Shrubbery absolutely free! Just pay extra extortion fees. And if you act now we will include a can of Instant Sarah Huckabee Sanders for the days you just don’t want to do that press briefing at all. Just spray her out to the podium and she will lie just like a republican selling a health care bill. And remember, Instant Shrubbery comes with an iron-clad satisfaction guarantee. If you are not completely satisfied just return the unused portion and we will refund your money, no questions asked. And after all, that’s the point because you really don’t want anyone asking questions.

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