The Clown Car Update for April 30, 2017

Posted: April 30, 2017 in New Post

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This week, the White House made news when all 100 senators were invited to attend a briefing on the North Korean crisis. It was an unusual move to hold such a briefing at the White House instead of at the Capitol, where such briefings are normally held. But our reporting now reveals that there may have been a more nefarious motive behind the invitation, and the details are disturbing.

Sources close to one democratic senator have told the Clown Car Network (CCN) that fifty Democratic senators have been kidnapped by a person or persons unknown. Our source, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the situation, claim that the buses that were supposed to take the senators to the White House for a briefing on North Korea were actually used to take them to another location, or worse.  Eyewitnesses who were at the Capitol Building for a tour said that they saw the senators boarding the bus, but they all seemed at first to be in a jovial mood.  “No one seemed to be coerced into getting on the bus”, Carly Deitrick, a tourist from Wilmington Delaware, told us. “We were all taking photos with our iPhones and they were smiling and waving,” she said.

But then, something happened that made one of the tourists suspicious. They seemed to start separating the group, putting the Republican senators on one bus, and all the Democrats on another.  Gene Harlow of Omaha, Nebraska told us, “In fact, they were quite rough with the democrats and at one point Elizabeth Warren refused to get on the bus and was tasered by Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell.  According to Mr. Harlow, McConnell was heard to say “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.”

At first, both buses proceed down Pennsylvania Avenue but only the one carrying the republicans stopped at the White House. The other bus with the democratic senators kept moving and eventually got on to the D.C. beltway. FBI director James Comey said at a press conference that the bus with the markings “Last Tours” was last seen at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport. Comey said he believes that from there a plane took the democratic senators to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

On senate staffer told us that early last week the senators were told that there was to be a briefing at the White House on the North Korean crisis. Each of the senators was given top secret classified documents to review ahead of time. Since the documents were encrypted, it took some time for staff to translate them and have them printed in time for the democratic senators to review.  Unfortunately, they were not quite ready by the time the buses arrived. As the senators were separated and the democrats headed into their bus, a senate staffer ran down the steps of the Capitol screaming and waving a document. This seemed to be the point when things got rough at the democrats’ bus as they panicked when they heard the staffer screaming, “IT”S A COOKBOOK!”

 

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