This week on Episode 416 of The Tim Corrimal Show we are introduced to a new character in the bizarre world of freaks and clowns known as the Trump Regime. His name was Gene Huber and he was yet another reminder of the through-the-looking-glass world we now live in. For those of you who may have missed his act, Gene was invited onstage by Herr Trump because he saw this lost soul on TV standing in line from 4 AM the day of the rally just to get a glimpse of the Orange Oligarch. From that moment, things spiraled into a surreal adventure in the fantasy world of Mr. Huber and his cardboard god.
While trying to conceal his erection, Mr. Huber stood onstage with the man that, until that moment, was only accessible to him in his nightly wet dreams. But here he was, right in front of him, the Lemon Lout himself, in full color and shaking his hand. To say the least, Gene Huber was stunned. Herr Trump actually hugged him and whispered in his ear that, as soon as this stunt was over, he better get right off the stage or he would be shot. It was a moment of magic. And then, just as Huber thought life could not get any better, Trump asked him to speak to the crowd. He proudly wiped away the tanning spray that rubbed off on him and stepped up to the mic. As a huge wet spot spread over his pants, he declared to the world how proud he was of the man Russia has code-named “Agent Wet Sheets”.
Later, during a CNN interview, Huber confessed to having a cardboard replica of Trump in his home that he prayed to every day. In an attempt to keep our listeners apprised of the deteriorating mental health the Trump Cult, the Clown Car caught with Mr. Huber at his home in Neverneverland. What we found was nothing less than shocking. Not only does he have a cardboard cutout of Trump, it turns out, the rest of his family is a fantasy too!
Huber’s home is actually a series of refrigerator boxes glued together into a three bedroom cardboard mansion. It was very roomy with the familiar smell of a FedEx warehouse. As we sat down on some wooden crates to talk politics, Huber became extremely animated. “I love the president!”, he blurted out, “so much that sometimes I want to jump out of my skin, which is white, by the way,” as if that was a question. He was sporting his Trump tee shirt, the same one he had on during his CNN interview. “I haven’t taken this shirt off since election day. Do you believe it! Even after it started to stick to me, I kept it on. I figure if the president can do all that sacrifice for me, the least I can do is suffer from a few bed sores to show my support.” We did believe it since Mr. Huber smelled like an old sock you find in a gym bag fifty years after you graduated high school.
So we asked what Mr. Huber’s family thought about all the notoriety he was receiving after his encounter with Trump last Saturday. “Would you like to meet them?” Of course, and he ran into the adjacent room (I’m sorry, box) to get his wife. “I’ll just be a moment,” he yelled, “she takes a while to get blown up.” A few minutes later, Huber sat a five-foot blow-up doll next to him that looked remarkably like Melania Trump. “Ain’t she a beauty,” his eyes were gleeming, “we’ve been married for ten years.” When I pointed out that it was a blow-up doll he got that look in his eye that alarmed the Secret Service. We quickly moved on.
“Get the kids in here, honey.” But that doll just stared straight ahead with a blank look, just like the real Melania. “Never mind, dear, you look tired. I’ll get them.” Off to another box (I mean room), and returned with Barbie and Ken dolls. “Look just like their beautiful Mom. This one’s Ivanka, this one is Tiffany, and the boy is Barron.” What about the two larger dolls laying in the corner of the living room? “Oh, that’s Donald, Jr., and Eric. They’re dummies.”
As we wrapped up the interview, the time came to meet the reason we came, the cardboard cutout Mr. Huber calls his president. We entered a room lined with lit candles, which in a home of cardboard boxes seemed a bit problematic. But there it was, in all its glory, a six-foot replica of the Tangerine Tyrant. In the background, audio was playing of Trump’s inaugural address, now known as the “I Had a Nightmare” speech.Huber dropped to his knees, said a few prayers, and we quietly left to the sounds of “grab ’em by the p***y.”
As we drove away smoke seemed to be coming from Mr. Huber’s house of cardboard. We later found out that one of the candles started a fire and burned it to the ground. All that was left was a cardboard Trump standing in the middle of a smoldering mess. You know, just like in real life.