On Episode 411 of the Tim Corrimal Show we say move over Ron Popeil because there’s a new kid on the block and his tiny fingers are working fast. This week he introduced the next great invention everyone will want in their cabinet, just like in his. Yes, I’m talking about the newest time-saver from Trumpco, the Democracy-O-Matic.
Are you always wasting time trying to be politically correct? Does working around the Constitution have you wasting hours of precious time? Is the press always getting in the way of your latest propaganda? Well just look at how Democracy-O-Matic can save you time and give you perfectly cut soundbites in just seconds. Originally inspired by the German engineers of the Third Reich, Democracy-O-Matic is the perfect tool to cut and dice every kind of inconvenient law, ethical rule, resonable practice, or rights of the minority. Just place the parts of Democracy you don’t like in the top of the shredder and out comes perfectly minced pieces of what used to be your country.
Democracy-O-Matic comes with five convenient blade settings for every thing you want to shred. Have a large press pool to deal with? Just set the blade to hack and all the real journalists are cut out leaving just the perfectly shaped right-wing fact twisters. Serve them up with Russian dressing and you have propaganda bites as good as Putin’s.
And you can throw away thos old julienne blades. we replaced them with the Kellyanne blade to turn ugly little shitstorms into perfectly sliced explanations that no one will recognize. And how about that cumbersome Constitution? No need to spend time and money on lawyers and hours of preparation. Just insert the Democracy-O-Matic’s precision slicing blade to remove the parts of the Constitution you don’t like and keep the juicy ones that everyone in your party enjoys. Watch how easy freedom of the press, the right to due process, and the emoluments clause fall away leaving only the Second Amendment and slavery. You can just take all the other freedoms and protections and flush them right down garbage disposal. And when it comes to demolishing affordable health care for twenty million people, the job is made easy by attaching the snap-on death panels.
And that’s not all. If you order now we will throw in our award-winning Pee Shooter. Just load it up yourself or with a Russian hooker and spray away! Either way you can defile any chair, bench, or bed that your predecessor slept in. You can even spray it around the office. What better way to establish that you are the alpha dog in the pack than by marking your territory with Trumpco’s Pee Shooter. And the best part, it is dishwasher safe. Just put it on the rack with all your other dishes and utensils. And don’t worry, pee is sterile!
So order now and start shredding democracy just like our president-elect. And remember to use the code “Putin” when ordering and our agent will include a second Democracy-O-Matic and Pee Shooter absolutely free. You just pay additional shipping and loss of your right to a fair trial. Shredding democracy doesn’t have to take a lot of time, it can be done quickly, just like Donald Trump is doing.
Democracy Shredder: The easy way to turn your democracy into a Banana Republic smoothie!