The Clown Car Update for November 20, 2016

Posted: November 20, 2016 in New Post

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The Presidential transition ran into a major snag this week as President-elect Trump was informed that he, not a casting director, must form the government. An Administration official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the newly elected billionaire appeared to be in shock. The source told the Clown Car Update for Episode 406 of The TimCorrimal Show that at the meeting, the president-elect seemed blindsided at the revelation. “It’s a good thing the meeting was behind closed doors because it got ugly in a hurry”, the official said. As the president ran down a list of duties and responsibilities that the president-elect was required to perform daily, Trump’s pallor began to turn from bright to pale orange.  “It was really scary,” the official said, “as his eyes slowly rolled back in his head, his tiny hands clutched at his stomach, and he slid from the chair to the floor, out cold!”

The source described the scene as chaotic. Apparently, before passing out, the president elect became so upset that he soiled himself and vomited up an entire Happy Meal. The smell was so intense that the room had to be evacuated except for medical personnel. Apparently, the president-elect’s hairpiece rolled across the room and rested right on Biden’s shoe. “Talk about busting a gut,” the official laughed, “Joe kept wiggling the thing around on the tip of his shoe. It looked like one of those Tribbles on Star Trek.” According to our source, Joe Biden had to be treated in one of the outer offices for a stomach muscle strain he received from laughing so hard.

The White House thought it would be a good idea to call Trump’s personal physician, Dr. Bornstein, but were surprised to find out that he had suddenly left the country the day after the election. When medics were unable to revive the president-elect, Kellyanne Conway was summoned to the White House. Upon her arrival, she was escorted into the room where he was laying in the remains of his regurgitated Big Mac, gurgling something about “a disaster, bigly”. Without batting one of her false eyelashes, she began kicking the president-elect’s twitching body with her boots. “This happens all the time.” she was quoted as saying, seeming to enjoy the exercise, “every time someone tells him he actually won.” He seemed to respond to Conway’s kicks and was soon sitting up in his chair. As his tiny fingers clutched the edge of the chair, the orange color came back to his skin and Conway leaned in and whispered, “If you just get through this meeting I promise we will stop on the way home for some KFC.”

After Trump stopped shaking, the meeting resumed and President Obama offered to show Trump the presidential living quarters. With that, our source told us, Trump began to turn pale again. “You mean I have to live here,” he reportedly said and sank to the floor once again. “That should do it for today,” Conway informed the group, “just roll him into the limo and we’ll have to do this another time.” As they drove away, Conway could be heard screaming in the car, “For that, no Twitter the rest of the day!”

As Trump’s motorcade slipped from view, an aide remarked that it was a good thing that the public didn’t see that. Just then, President Obama glanced over at Joe Biden. “Just uploaded to YouTube,” Biden laughed.

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