The Clown Car Update for August 14, 2016

Posted: August 14, 2016 in New Post

397

Are you sick and tired of hearing something Donald Trump said, only to learn the next day that what you heard wasn’t what he said? Are you the kind of person that takes things literally when someone says he means it, literally? Do you have a difficult time detecting sarcasm? Is Donald Trump’s dog whistle humor too high in pitch for your ears to detect? Well, on Episode 397 of The Tim Corrimal Show we have a solution to all your interpretation difficulties that will save you time as well the embarrassment of sounding like Katrina Pierson. For this election cycle only, we are offering you Trumptionary, the all inclusive dictionary of Donald Trump’s words and phrases. Originally developed for the scholars at Trump University, this book is the definitive guide to what Donald Trump really means. Just look up a word or phrase when Trump speaks and you will really know what he meant to say. But don’t take our word for it, listen to these testimonials from actual users of this handy guide.

“I thought I heard Donald promise that my instructors at Trump University were hand picked by him personally. But when I looked up ‘picked personally’ in the Trumptionary, there it was in plain English that it means hired off the street with no qualifications whatsoever to teach real estate. Boy, was I fooled!” – Gene, White Plains, NY

“I was attending a Trump rally, and I thought I heard Donald say to punch the protestor next to me in the face. Good thing I checked my Trumptionary first. Turns out that ‘punch in the face’ really means to love and respect that person’s First Amendment rights!”  – Mike, Topeka, KS

“Talk about embarrassed. I was loading my Smith and Wesson to go out and shoot a politician when my neighbor asked me what I was doing. I told her what Donald Trump said about ‘Second Amendment remedies’ when she started to laugh and showed me her Trumptionary. There right on page 143 was the explanation. ‘Second Amendment remedies’ really means to get out and vote on election day. I saved a lot of good ammo that day!” – Elaine, Portland, OR

“After I heard Donald say that Barack Hussein Obama founded that filthy organization ISIS, I was so mad I stayed up all night writing a letter to my congressman demanding that he be impeached and tried for treason. Good thing I didn’t mail that letter. When my daughter asked my why I was up all night, I was stunned to find that ‘founded ISIS’ was sarcasm. If I only looked at my daughter’s copy of Trumptionary, I could have saved myself a sleepless night, not to mention the postage stamp!” – Coleen, Philadelphia, PA

First Trump signed the pledge. Then, when he got the nomination he promised he would become more ‘presidential’. Then a staffer gave me her copy of Trumptionary, and I nearly fell off my high horse! ‘Presidential’ means ‘buffoon’ and the word ‘pledge’ isn’t even in the Trumptionary!” – Reince, Kenosha, WI

If you act now, we will include our “Trumptionary” for PC or Mac. Just load it into your computer, put on your headphones, and never get fooled by a Trump rally speech again. With the software’s handy rewind feature, you can listen to the speech over and over and always get the latest interpretation in the actual voice of Rudy Giuliani. Don’t miss this fantastic offer by the people who brought you the Republican thesaurus,”Word Twister”. Operators are standing by and don’t forget to say the code words “Just Kidding” and get an extra 20% off the purchase price. Actually, we don’t really discount anything. You heard that wrong. After all, who you gonna believe, your own ears or Trumptionary?”

 

 

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