The Clown Car Update for July 10, 2016

For the past few weeks, the Clown Car was down for emergency repairs.  In preparation for Episode 392 of The Tim Corrimal Show we inspected the breaks, the lights, the tires, and downloaded the diagnostics to our computer to see what kind of driving the GOP has been inflicting on the vehicle.  The Clown Car, as you know, is a very special vehicle, designed for very erratic drivers.  They pretty much aim the car in random directions and drive it into things.  Let’s see what the Clown Car computer diagnostics told us about what has been happening while we were away.

Apparently the Clown Car was driven down a dead end road called Benghazi Street.  Ever since the attacks on the embassy there, the GOP repeatedly drove up and down looking in every trash can and dumpster for garbage they could use to smear all over Hilary Clinton’s house.  All they managed to do was to shred the tires when they backed into a corner and tried to get out by relentlessly spinning their wheels. When they finally got free, they decided to leave Benghazi Street but on the way out passed Hilary’s house one more time. That’s when they got the idea of setting a bag of shit on fire and putting in her mailbox.

The mailbox idea must have backfired, because the diagnostics show that the GOP drivers made a 911 call with the on-board Bluetooth.  They notified the  Department of Justice and claimed that Hilary set the fire herself.  She was a secret agent, they claimed, trying to burn the evidence of her treachery that was in her mail. The FBI showed up, and after they spoke with Mrs. Clinton, tried to leave only to find the driveway blocked by the Clown Car. The occupants demanded to know what she said.  When the FBI told them there was no evidence to support their claim, they repeatedly rammed the FBI vehicle. The result was a large dent in the Clown Car’s doors, as the FBI vehicle smashed into it as it left the scene.  They continued to threaten the FBI and Hilary with more burning shit bags, but all they really did was  wreck the car.

When we were cleaning the interior, we found evidence of what must have been an enormous struggle. It looked like the occupants of the Clown Car tried repeatedly to eject someone from the vehicle while it was moving. The scary thing is that it appears they were trying to eject the driver. The on-board dash-cam was kind of grainy, but it appears that the driver was a blonde-haired, orange-skinned man who, at some point, hijacked the Clown Car. He must have been very sick because he seemed to vomit all over them and the car’s interior. The struggle must have ended near the Quicken Arena in Cleveland where we found the car abandoned. Witnesses say they say they saw the occupants fleeing the scene while the orange driver laughed at them and then took hostages into the arena.

The weirdest thing we found was a trunk full of lawn signs in the shape of the Star of David.  I don’t know what they were going to do with them, but there was a note with them that read “Say it’s a sheriff’s badge”.

The good news is that it is now completely restored and ready for the GOP convention, except for the alignment, which for some odd reason keeps pulling the car to the right. We did consider installing an auto-pilot system to avoid future injury to the occupants, but we thought it would be more fun to just let the ludicrous tangerine ballbag drive it wherever he want. Who knows, he may run into a really big wall!