The Clown Car Update for March 20, 2016

Posted: March 20, 2016 in New Post

This week on Episode 379 of The Tim Corrimal Show, the Clown Car investigates the criminal activities if Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder. Northeast Pennsylvania has a lot to be proud of. Scranton is the home town of Joe Biden, the adopted home town of Hillary Clinton, and the setting for one of television’s most popular sitcoms, “The Office”.  But another proud moment came this week when the congressman from my neighboring congressional district publicly eviscerated the felon who currently resides in the governor’s mansion in Michigan.  At congressional hearings, Rep. Matt Cartwright of Moosic, PA, after listening to Gov. Rick Snyder lie and obfuscate about his role in poisoning the water supply of Flint, had had enough. In an interview on a local TV station he admitted to losing his cool and telling Snyder what every decent person was thinking:

Plausible deniability only works when it’s plausible and I’m not buying that you didn’t know about this until October 2015. You were not in a medically induced coma for a year. I’ve had about enough of your false contrition and your phony apologies … Pretty soon we will have men who strike their wives saying, ‘I’m sorry dear, but there were failures on all levels.’

Thank you, Matt! If my congressional district wasn’t drawn to look like a twisted colon, he would have been my representative. But I am sure Matt is unaware of the nefarious plans Snyder still has in mind for the good people of Michigan. But through the Clown Car investigative efforts, we have uncovered additional budget shortcuts Snyder has in the pipeline (pun intended):

  • Paving roads with radioactive waste. Titled The Asphalt Free Initiative, it is a cost saving measure claiming to save lives by limiting asphalt inhalation. The plan is to pave roads with radioactive material obtained  from the Atomic Energy Commission.  Gov. Snyder says he is assured it is safe and will have the added benefit of lighting the highways at night.
  • Dumpster diving replacing school lunch lunch. The governor has asked the legislature to pass a bill requiring restaurants to provide their dumpsters to public schools to replace the school lunch programs. Citing the amount of perfectly good food we throw away each year, Gov. Snyder touts the added benefit of learning to work for your food.
  • Medicaid discontinued and replaced with coupons to Denny’s.  Gov. Snyder says instead of running to the doctor every time you feel sick, just have a good breakfast!
  • Saving electricity by turning off all traffic signals in the state from 9 PM to 9 AM.  In addition to the monetary savings, this is also part of Gov. Snyder’s deregulation efforts. “We certainly don’t need government telling us when to stop and when to go. The drivers know best what is right for them”, Snyder was quoted.
  • Laying off firefighters and Emergency Medical Technicians replacing them with water buckets and first aid kits on every corner. Gov. Snyder calls this “local control of emergency services”.
  • Instead of fixing bridges, put up road signs “Caution: Iffy Bridge”. The symbol on the sign will be a car falling into a large ravine.

You would think that after the his criminal behavior toward the citizens of Flint, Mr. Snyder would be in prison, not making plans.  But to quote my favorite congressman, Matt Cartwright, “there you are [governor}dripping with guilt and drawing your paycheck”.

 

 

 

 

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