The Clown Car Update for March 6, 2016

Posted: March 6, 2016 in New Post

This week on Episode 377 of The Tim Corrimal Show, we engage in some schadenfreude in reading the obituary of the Grand Old Party, otherwise known as the Wing-Nut Republicans.

The American Republican Party, Dead at 162

The Republican Party, best known for its persistent contempt for anyone who wasn’t wealthy or white, died this week of a suspected murder/suicide. It was preceded in death by the Nixon Administration, the Reagan Administration, and two Bush Administrations. It was 162.

Born in 1854 to Whigs and The Free Soil Party, the Grand Old Party as it was nicknamed was a major political force from the mid-19th Century until 1932, when it shit the bed causing the Great Depression.  The Democrats under Franklin D. Roosevelt restored the United States to prosperity and ever since the GOP has dedicated its life to a return to the conditions of 1932.

In its early years the GOP was admired for being the party of abolition and free men, producing such great leaders as Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt.  But later in life, it disintegrated into a body of old white men who hated women, immigrants, and anyone who didn’t run a brothel. Its health gradually deteriorated with symptoms of serious illness such as repeatedly repealing Obamacare, obstructions,  and producing a senator in diapers. Most recently it developed Donald Trumpism, a genetic disorder characterized by abnormally tiny hands and genitalia. Although many were aware that the party’s health was poor, its death was unexpected.

The official coroner’s report has not yet been made public, but there is some hint that there may have been foul play. Recently the GOP had entered a tumultuous relationship with several abusive and obnoxious men who argued constantly about who would start the most wars and had the largest penis. Friends close to the family said it was only a matter of time before something like this would happen.  “It seemed that every week or so they would get into a shouting match that would attract large audiences,” a close family member was quoted as saying.  “They claimed they were debates, but everyone knew something terrible was going to happen”.

The deceased is survived by the Ku Klux Klan, The John Birch Society, The Tea Party, and many loving billionaires, corporations, and off-shore bank accounts.  The deceased will lie in state at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio from July 18 to July 21, with interment at the Trump Landfill, Atlantic City, N.J.  The family asks that, in lieu of flowers, you run over a homeless person with your limo or carpet bomb a village in Iraq.

Please clap.

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s