The Clown Car Update for February 21, 2016

Posted: February 21, 2016 in New Post

This week on Episode 375 it is the Pope versus the Dope! Trump warned us about Mexico. They are sending drugs, they are sending rapists, they are sending bad people.  And now, they are sending something not even Donald Trump expected; They are sending the Pope. Our enemies know no limits in the ways they will try to destroy us,  so why were we surprised to hear that Mexico and Pope Francis have declared war on Trumpmerica!

Yes, folks, this week Pope Francis had the temerity to say of the GOP’s presumptive nominee and head bigot, “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian,” Francis said. “This is not in the Gospel.” It was the encyclical heard around the world, and everyone on that February morning will remember where they were when war broke out between the Unite States of Trumpmerica and The Vatican.

It was like Pearl Harbor all over again.Trump was just laying in bed, dreaming of how to get the best deal on iron maidens and cinder block, when the enemy hit! Trump was awakened to the news that Pope Francis had said something about him. “Was it good, I like the pope.  Was it bad, then I don’t like the pope!” And just like after Pearl Harbor, the allied forces were quickly mobilized to meet the threat.

“Amazing comments from the pope — considering Vatican City is 100% surrounded by massive walls,”shot back Trump’s social media director.  Even Joe Scarborough jumped off Donald’s lap to defend him.  Showing a picture of the Vatican on MSNBC’s daily Trump infomercial, the murder suspect turned GOP ass lick quipped, “Pope Francis, tear down that wall”.  And he would be an expert since he tore down the wall between MSNBC and Fox News.

But the best came from The Donald himself. After warning Mr. Pope that ISIS ultimate goal was to ransack the Vatican and steal the Popemobile , he issued this statement:

“Did you ever see this guy? He wears a little beanie on his head and walks around in a dress with beads around his neck. What is he, one of those transgender people trying to get into the women’s bathroom? And he waves these little arms around at everybody like that handicapped New York Times reporter. He looks ridiculous. And speaking of looking ridiculous, have you seen the Pope’s army? Swiss Guards, he calls them.  Swiss cheese, I call them. They look like little elves in orange striped bags!. He’ll be changing his tune when ISIS comes in and his baggy pants army poop in them and run away like little girls.  What will he do then, bless them to death? No, He’s going to call me and I’m gonna make a great deal.  I’ll save him from ISIS if he renames the Vatican “Plaza de Trumpo”.  Really, he won’t be able to call his good little Catholic boy “Jebra” because he’ll be back with his mommy and daddy having his consolation milk and cookies. Oh, and just to be safe, maybe we should ban Catholics from coming in until we figure out what’s going on here!”

It’s been an interesting primary season so far, sometimes frustrating, sometimes aggravating. But I never thought it would get to the point of the old saying, “It’s enough to piss off the Pope!”

 

 

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