The Clown Car Update for January 24, 2016

Posted: January 24, 2016 in New Post

Here on Episode 371, no one would ever have thought that 8 years later, Tina Fey would still be on Saturday Night Live doing her impression of Sarah Palin? Well, she’s back. No, I don’t mean Tina Fey,  I’m talking about “Godzilla from Wasilla”, “The Disasta’ from Alaska”, the “Half-Wit Princess” herself, Sarah Palin and she’s fightin’ for our freedoms also, too!  Dressed like a molting Parrot, she screeched and wailed away stringing together words that in the history of the English language have never been used together.

And what awakened the Bride of Teabagistan?   Well, you know she can’t resist being the center of attention any more than Bristol can resist the back seat of a minivan. So with all the gusto of a Palin family brawl and loaded up on a three dollar box of wine, she gave a disturbingly incoherent endorsement of Donald Trump. She jumped and shook and squealed a mountain  of random words faster that lettuce flying out of a salad shooter. Sarah, who made the phrase “putting lipstick on a pig” famous,  found a new pig in Trump.

Now for those of you who may have missed it, or have been deliberately avoiding the pain of hearing it, I thought I would share with you the highlights of her speech to an adoring audience of Iowa Neanderthals. As Donald Trump and the blond orangutan residing on his head looked on adoringly, Sarah Palin delivered one of her classic tongue twisting word dumps.  I picked out the best of the speech and went over to Google Translate for “Palinese to English”. Here then are some of the best lines of the night, translated into English by Google Translate:

  • “I was told left and right, “you are going to get so clobbered… You are just going to get beat up, and chewed up, and spit out”.
    • Google Translation: “When I am sober, I am occasionally aware of the stupid things I say and have learned to expect widespread ridicule”.
  • “… we bend over and say, “Thank you, enemy”.
    • Google Translation: “When Todd and I have sex, his pet name is “enemy”
  • “Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution”.
    • Google Translation: “I often use the our Constitution to wipe my clingers”
  • “…he builds things, he builds big things, things that touch the sky, big infrastructure that puts other people to work.
    • Google Translation: “He make fire! Big fire! Big fire to sky.  He big leader in cave with cave people. He good, fire bad people!”
  • “Well, and then, funny, ha ha, not funny, but now, what they’re doing is wailing, “well,   Trump and uh, uh, his Trumpeters,”
    • Google Translation: “This is not translatable. The person who uttered these words is having a mental breakdown and should be sedated”. 
  • “…we’re paying for some of their squirmishes that have been going on for centuries. Where they’re fightin’ each other and yellin’ “Allah Akbar”
    • Google Translation:”Sarah wants a Klondike Bar”

It will come as no surprise to anyone who has been following Ms. Half-Gov around for any length of time that her audience seemed to love every word.  It may be that they understand words like “squirmish”, “refudiate”, and “misremember”. But even Donald Trump, who will never be admitted to MENSA, had the look of someone trying to pass a kidney stone. Was that the way Trump looks when he’s in pain, or just the way a pig looks with lipstick!






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