The Clown Car Update for January 10, 2016

Posted: January 10, 2016 in New Post

This week on Episode 369 of The Tim Corrimal Show, we cover the siege at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, led by the son of serial moocher Cliven Bundy.  But surprisingly, this band of trained militia and survivalist seems to have not planned their insurrection very well.  You see, they seemed to have forgotten that in a desolate area like the refuge, you have to bring enough food.  So, a few days into the Siege of Nowhere, the rebels have made a plea for snacks.

Now folks, if you are planning an event such as Ammon Bundy’s you should never be caught unprepared.  For this reason, I have launched a new service called “Snacks for True United Patriots In Distress” or “S.T.U.P.I.D.”

Whether you are planning the overthrow of a large government, starting a civil war, or just taking the family for a weekend takeover of a national park’s gift shop, you can leave the planning to us. We have the finest prepackaged culinary treats prepared by our very patriotic staff, all of whom are direct decedents of a founding father. So you can defend our freedoms and feel you are eating a part of history at the same time!

You can choose from our three All American packages:

  • The Tyranny Buster:  If Jade Helm taught us anything, it’s that fighting tyranny can a months long endeavor.  Our Tyranny Buster package prepares you for a long summer of fear mongering and conspiracy theories. There are enough supplies for up to 500 gun toting patriots ready to do battle with an imaginary invasion or an Obama executive order. It includes our famous “You’re a Jerky” dried beef and “Liberty Chicken Wings” which come with with “mild”, “hot”, and  the super-hot “don’t tread on me” sauce. This package includes a free kit for making three pointed hats out of tin foil.
  • The Liberty Wagon:  This package is ideal for smaller gatherings, like an open carry demonstration or a mammoth Tea Party Rally with only a few dozen participants. It has many of the same tasty snacks that are in our larger package as well as small packages of “Froot Loops” and “Tax Cheetos” for those hungry moments between live Fox News interviews.  Graze to your heart’s content whether in the pick-up or under a plastic blue tarp*
    *Tarp sold separately
  • The Bundy Family Cart:  Are you just planning a gift shop takeover with the wife and kids and maybe a friend of the family? Well then this is the package for you.  We include chicken nuggets made with with all white meat,  freedom fries, and a generous serving of our tasty pure white vanilla pudding.  Everything is fresh and pure white, just like you.  And since you may be using the kids as a human shield at some point, our food is patriotically packed in high quality Kevlar back packs.

So you worry about getting the family ready with the latest camouflage attire and ammunition, and leave the rest to us.  Don’t beg like a Bundy for snacks on your next anti-government takeover. Just give us a call and we will make sure your uprising has all the nutrition to win the revolution. And remember to say “Obama’s a Muslim”, and we’ll throw in a case of Wild Turkey for those long nights when the electricity is cut and everyone has forgotten you’re there.

Remember, we are S.T.U.P.I.D and we are all in this together, because S.T.U.P.I.D is where stupid does!

 

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