The Clown Car Update for January 3, 2016

Posted: December 31, 2015 in New Post

Since it’s the first Tim Corrimal Show of the 2016, I thought I would offer eight predictions for 2016.  It will be interesting to look back this December and see how many come true!

  1. Donald Trump will be nominated by the GOP at their July convention after a crushing primary battle.  Then, during his address to the convention he will shock the political world by withdrawing his nomination revealing that he has a serious health issue. Addressing the convention, Trump will be quoted as saying, “I am sorry to inform my tremendous supporters that doctors have discovered that I have head lice, which in my case are beautiful head lice, but just the same, can be fatal given my luxurious flowing hair .”  The convention will be suspended to give delegates time to return to their hotel rooms and shower.
  2. After the shocker at July’s GOP convention, the republicans will nominate Ted Cruz who will lose in a landslide after revelations that the paisley rob he reportedly wore in college while roaming through the women’s dorm was not a robe at all, but a full body tattoo.
  3. John McCain, in publishing his memoir, will reveal that the pick of Sarah Palin as his running mate occurred while he and his staff were under the influence of LSD.  “It was that bad brown acid again. We had a very bad experience,” McCain will be quoted as saying. The incident will be credited for Bristol Palin naming her first child “Tripp”.
  4. In more Palin news, Bristol Palin will announce she is pregnant once again, this time with twins.  The abstinence advocate will defend herself against charges of hypocrisy by blaming her pregnancy on President Obama. “If Obama never did that ‘Cash for Clunkers’ thing, my boyfriend would never be able to afford a van with a mattress!” Bristol will name the twins “Smith” and “Wesson”.
  5. After a failed run for the presidency, Lindsey Graham will resign from the senate and join the cast in the next season of  “American Horror Story entitled “American Horror Story: Terror, Terror, Everywhere”. He will have a recurring role as a ghostly figure who continually warns the other characters of impending doom, and then feints.
  6. Gas prices will drop below $2.00 a gallon and will become a election issue for republicans. They will blame President Obama for increased traffic tie-ups and fatalities involving potential GOP voters.
  7. After a disastrous 2015, the Benghazi committee will reorganize and refocus its investigation. Chairman Trey Gowdy will announce that subpoenas are being prepared for whoever is the democratic presidential candidate for 2020.
  8. And finally, Louie Gohmert will say something really stupid in 2016. I know what you are all thinking, but I had to have at least one prediction that I’m certain will verify by December!

Some of you may be thinking that some of these predictions are a bit far fetched, but think about it. Are they really any more bizarre than what we actually witnessed in 2015?

 

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