The Clown Car Update for November 15, 2015

Posted: November 15, 2015 in New Post

The War on Christmas has begun and we have full coverage on Episode 361 of the Tim Corrimal Show!  On Monday,  all over the country unsuspecting Americans gathered to greet the morning with an Iced Gingerbread Latte or a Peppermint Mocha only to be greeted by a grim barista and the shocking news that Starbuck’s will no longer feature ornaments and reindeer on their holiday cups.  Santa was dead, the reindeer scattered into the wild, and ornaments forever relegated to history books.  In their place was a cup of red, like Red October and Red China.  Yes, Starbucks joined with the Axis of Christmas Evil and will served up your coffee cold,  in a communist inspired red cup.  That’s right,  freedom once again had been assaulted, and this time the causalities lie in the smoldering ashes of tinsel and tasteless Christmas sweaters.

After December 7, 1941, the nation turned to a great leader, President Franklin D. Roosevelt,  who assured the nation that this act would never be forgotten and that we would rise from the ashes to be victorious.  And so it was this week,  that amid the shock and horror of the news of the plain red cup,  a modern savior calmed us with the assurance that the red scourge of Starbucks would be avenged.  That man was Donald Trump.

Like FDR before him,  standing in front of a crowd of over caffeinated coffee drinkers in Springfield, Illinois, Donald Trump assured a shocked and sorrowed nation that this was not the end,  but the beginning of a new resolve. “I have one of the most successful Starbucks, in Trump Tower. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks? I don’t know. Seriously, I don’t care. That’s the end of that lease, but who cares?”  Trump assured paper cup clutching masses.  “I may be confused about what countries are in the TPP,  but I guarantee if I become president, we’re going to be saying ‘Merry Christmas’ at every store,” he said.  So with his hair flapping in the wind on a cold Illinois morning,  our great Christmas warrior rallied a nation to stand up to Starbucks tyranny and rebuild the forces of Christmas.  Plant Victory Poinsettia Gardens,  buy Christmas bonds,  enlist in  the Salvation Army,  and most of all be confident that Black Friday will never turn red!

Comments

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s