The Clown Car Update for November 1, 2015

Posted: November 1, 2015 in New Post

This  week on Episode 359 of the Tim Corrimal Show, we review the third GOP debate.  It was a scene out of the Star Wars Cantina.  On Wednesday night,  ten of the most treacherous vermin in the galaxy tried to convince us to let them into our homes so one of them could stab us with a saber and steal our Social Security checks.  To quote Obi-Wan Kenobi, it was a wretched hive of scum and villainy.   It was mostly whining about hard questions and having to stand at a podium for two whole hours. But there were some interesting moments that deserve a mention.  Here are my favorites:

  • In an exchange with the moderators, Jeb! offered to give warm kisses to any Democrat who would cut taxes and spending.  Later it was reported that Jeb!’s brother George, who was watching naked from his bath tub in Crawford, TX,  laughed so hard that he choked on a pretzel.
  • Ted Cruz will not drink with you, but he will drive you home safely.  As Uber-Driver-In-Chief,  he will provide you with tequila and pot brownies, a surprising deal from a guy who’s ass is so tight it sucks in his face.
  • Chris Christie hates fantasy football, but he hates Hillary Clinton more.  He swore that if nominated, he would not allow her to get within ten miles of the White House.  Politifact later rated this boast as “mostly true” since as governor, he wouldn’t allow anyone to get within ten miles of the George Washington Bridge.
  • Retired neurosurgeon and knife assault suspect Ben Carson has permanently fallen asleep.  Having inhaled too much anesthetic during his career,  Dr. Carson is now in a perpetual twilight sleep.  Moderators did startle him awake for a few seconds with a question about his 10% Bible tax.  He corrected them,  pointing out that God has adjusted that for inflation to 15%, and then quickly went back to sleep.
  • Marco Rubio,  was asked why he has missed so many senate votes.  Rubio’s response was that others have missed 100% of the votes this year.  “One of your Democratic icons,  Lyndon Johnson,  has not voted at all this year”, Rubio shot back.  When it was pointed out that Mr. Johnson has not been a Senator since 1961 and died in 1973, an irritated Rubio launched into an attack on the liberal media and their obsession with “gotcha facts”.
  • Donald Trump denied criticizing Mark Zuckerberg for his support of more visas for workers in specialty occupations.  What the Donald failed to realize is that the the criticism is on his own website.   On Thursday, stung by this revelation,  Mark Zuckerberg unfriended Donald Trump.
  • And finally, Carly Fiorina’s list of lies has now grown longer than the list of companies she drove into the ground.  She falsely claimed that 92% of job losses in President Obama’s first term were women.  She then denied being fired at HP, instead claiming it was “a difference of opinion”,  like when it’s her opinion she did a great job and everyone else thinks she stunk at her job.

So,  if anyone thought the third GOP debate would help pick a candidate,  this one may have been a disappointment.  To quote Obi-Wan Kenobi,  “these are not the ones you’re looking for!”.














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