Clown Car Update for October 18, 2015

Posted: October 18, 2015 in New Post

While the Tim Corrimal Show was on hiatus, the political world just kept getting crazier.  So here on Episode 357 is a re-cap of events since out last show!

On September 28, NASA confirmed that it had discovered evidence of flowing liquid water on Mars.  The GOP candidates for president were quick to react to NASA’s claim:

Carley Fiorina: “I challenge Obama and Clinton to look at those tapes of Area 51,  thirsty Martians with their hearts beating and legs kicking.  Is water worth it?  De-fund NASA!”

Donald Trump: “The water on Mars is a disaster. What we need is real American water, like in my casinos.  And we don’t have Martians who have drugs and are rapists!”

Mike Huckabee: “The water on Mars is gay water. This is the government’s plan to make us drink it and turn us gay!”

Ben Carson: “This is nonsense!  I saw the movie “Martian”.  If there is water on Mars, why didn’t Matt Damon find it to grow his potatoes? ”

Also in late September,  the world was treated to a very rare event that will not re-occur for decades.  A republican accidentally told the truth! On September 30, Kevin McCarthy admitted on Fox News that the Benghazi Committee was formed to take down Hilary Clinton’s poll numbers. Most pundits called this a gaff, but to be fair to Mr. McCarthy, repeating lies day in and day out is a little like wearing a bathing suit that is three sizes too small. Eventually something will slip out.

September 28 saw the fourth in a series of lunar eclipses that began in April of 2014. Some Mormons believed this signaled the end of the world.  The official Mormon church distanced itself from these predictions.  One Mormon, however, claims his world ended on November 6, 2012.

On October 2, there was yet another deadly shooting, this time at a community college in Oregon.  Enter Ben Carson who blamed the victims of the shooting for not rushing the shooter.   “I would not just stand there and let him shoot me,” Carson said.  For example, in the ’80’s he was faced with a similar situation standing in line at a fast food restaurant. When an armed robber shoved his gun into Carson’s ribs,  he bravely advised him that the person he should shoot was the teenager working behind the counter.

On October 6, Kevin McCarthy shocked everyone by suddenly dropping out of the race for Speaker of the House.  This left the GOP in a frenzy, desperate to find a candidate.  With the vacuum left by McCarthy’s exit, the leading candidate that has emerged is the Pizza Rat.

Playboy announced it will it will no longer feature nudity,  but “will continue its tradition of investigative journalism, in-depth interviews and fiction”.  In other news, Ben and Jerry’s announced it will no longer feature ice cream, but will continue its tradition of providing quality, home grown vegetables.

The Democratic debate was held on CNN on October 13.  It featured Hilary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and three meth addicts who wandered onto the stage.

And finally, it was announced this week that there will be no COLA for SS recipients next year.  As a result,  I will be starting a new career as a Wal-Mart greeter.

And that’s what happened while Tim was in Italy.  If things keep up like this,  I think I’ll go with him next time!

 

 

 

 

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