The Clown Car Update for September 20, 2015

Posted: September 20, 2015 in New Post

There was good news and bad news in the second GOP presidential debate.  If you missed it,  on Episode 353 of The Tim Corrimal Show, we gave you a summary of what we learned at the latest GOP liefest.

Marco Rubio thinks droughts make a great joke. No one wants to follow a better comedian, so Marco decided to crack the first joke of the night.  Producing a bottle from under the podium, he quipped,  “I heard there was a drought in California, so I brought my own water”.  He was as pleased with himself as a boy who just discovered his own genitalia. Except no one laughed, except the bottled water company.

Carly Fiorina is a science fiction writer.  Move over Gene Roddenberry,  Mrs. Fiorina can invent fiction faster than Ensign Chekov can launch a photon torpedo.  She dared Hillary Clinton and President Obama to watch that horrible film where a fully formed fetus is sold for body parts. Except she made the whole scene up, maybe on one of those HP computers she illegally sold to Iran?  And she never took Iran off her speed dial either because she promised on her first day in office she would call the Supreme Leader and tell him to piss off,  then call here good friend Bibi Netanyahu and tell him how much she loves him,  then move nukes into Poland and start a war with Russia.  I guess she’s not planning a day two.

Donald Trump thinks Carly Fiorina is a beautiful woman.  He should know, he’s running beauty pageants all the time. The best, tremendous beauty pageants.  He has a beautiful daughter too who,  if he wasn’t her father, he would probably be dating.  What the hell, if Woody Allen can do it… Oh, and the Donald is a research doctor also. He has discovered that you should spread your children’s vaccines over a long period. He did, and look how hot his daughter is!

Ben Carson thinks Donald Trump is a good doctor. He also thinks God has the best tax plan.  Ben Carson is obviously more skilled at separating Siamese twins than fact from fiction.

Jeb Bush thinks that Inauguration Day is every four years, on September 12.   So don’t talk trash about his brother.  He kept us safe.  After he became president, on September 12, 2001.

Chris Christie has a time machine. That’s right,  just like Dr. Who.  On Wednesday night, he went back in time and appointed himself U S Attorney three months before he actually was.  The bloviating blowhard from New Jersey told how really, really frightened he was on 9/11.  After all, the day before he was appointed U S Attorney by Bush and would have to deal with these maniacs.  Except he wasn’t.  His actual nomination came three months later, but hey, why be picky, right.  It’s a great story,  and if you believe that one, here’s one about  bridge!

Rand Paul is cool.  He’s for peace and legal marijuana.  But before you get too high and vote for him, remember his budget eliminates the Department of Commerce,  Department of Education, Department for Housing and Urban Development, Department of Energy and cuts the State Department by more than 50 percent. Meanwhile, it increases spending on defense by $126 billion. So put down the bong and back away from the senator.

Scott Walker is the invisible man.  It’s the only explanation for no one noticing he was in the Reagan Library on Wednesday night.  After the debate he called the Koch brothers, and received the “no longer in service” message.

Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee both think our founding father was Jesus. They also think Kim Davis is his disciple.  They both should be evaluated for mental health services.

John Kasich is reasonable. Who knew? And when John Kasich is the voice of reason, be very afraid.

So the good news is that the second GOP presidential debate is over.  The bad news is that next summer, one of those sociopaths will be the GOP nominee for president.  Scared yet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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