The Clown Car Update for August 23, 2015

Posted: August 23, 2015 in New Post

This week on Episode 339 of the Tim Corrimal Show, Ben Carson gets to drive the Clown Car. During the GOP debate, Ben Carson floated the idea that a flat tax not only would be fair, but it was God’s plan.

I think God is a pretty fair guy, and he said, you know, if you give me a tithe, it doesn’t matter how much you make. If you’ve had a bumper crop, you don’t owe me triple tithes. And if you’ve had no crops at all, you don’t owe me no tithes. So there must be something inherently fair about that.

So based on Ben Carson’s “God Tax”, everyone, the rich and the poor, would all pay the same flat 10%.  Sounds fair on paper, but in reality it is regressive and would amount to a massive tax cut for the wealthy and a devastating tax increase for the poor.  Since Ben thinks “God’s a pretty fair guy”,  I thought we should look at some of the other laws Ben the Fair loves from the famous GOP handbook, the Bible.  So I went over to BibleBabble.com and thanks to the folks over there I found a list of some  “Laws of the Lord”  that Ben Carson may also like:

  •  Leviticus 20:13 – If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.  I guess that means no wedding cake either?

 

  • Leviticus 19:19 – Don’t have a variety of crops on the same field.  This law is the basis for what was known in biblical times “Crop Rotation Denial”,  the forerunner of climate change denial and is a favorite bible passage of Sen. James Inhofe.

 

  • Leviticus 19:19 – Don’t wear clothes made of more than one fabric.  Cotton blends are prohibited.  This was punished by making the sinner to wear a polyester leisure suit for a month.

 

  • Leviticus 19:27 – Don’t cut your hair nor shave.  Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty uses this passage as a hygiene guideline.

 

  • Leviticus 20:14 – If a man sleeps with his wife and her mother they are all to be burnt to death.   Real bad news for Wood Allen!

 

  • Leviticus 20:15-16 – If a man or woman has sex with an animal, both human and animal must be killed.  Sometimes referred to as the “Man-on Dog” rule. For more information Google “Santorum” .

 

  • Leviticus 20:27 – Psychics, wizards, and so on are to be stoned to death.   As if Harry Potter didn’t have enough problems with Voldemort.

 

  • Leviticus 20:18 – If a man has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be “cut off from their people”.   According to Donald Trump, this also applies to debate moderators on their period.

 

  • Deuteronomy 13:12-15If you find out a city worships a different god, destroy the city and kill all of it’s inhabitants… even the animals.  This is also known as “The Bush Doctrine”.

 

So in a typical day in Bible World, a man would get up in the morning, preen his beard, comb his long flowing hair, and put on his all cotton overalls.  Then, he would spend the day planting corn over and over again on the same plot of land until it turned to dust.  Exhausted from a day of destroying rich farm land, he would return home to rest. However, he would have to be careful not to rest next to his wife’s mother, another man, or Megyn Kelly.  If he did, he would certainly be killed. How do I know? The bible tells me so.

 

 

 

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