As NASA’s New Horizons Passes Pluto, Still no Sign of GOP Candidates

Posted: July 13, 2015 in New Post

Today NASA’s New Horizons probe completed a 9 year mission to the solar system’s most outer planet, Pluto. While the mission has produced striking new data on the dwarf planet, scientists at the Applied Physics Lab at Johns Hopkins University near Baltimore are perplexed.

“We were expecting to see at least a few of the 15 GOP candidates for president somewhere out there, but so far there is no evidence of any of them”, chief investigator Alex Hobbs said in a news conference. “We know for a fact they are out there because of the noises we receive almost daily from the fringes”, Hobbs explained, “but we never thought they were this far out”.

The latest sound received from deep space is called Scott Walker, according to Hobbs. “As New Horizons passed Pluto, we were sure that at least one of these would be spotted closer to Earth, but apparently they are all much farther out there than anyone imagined. With the discovery of Scott Walker today, we now have concluded that they are not only farther out than expected, but dangerous”.

Scientists are now planning a dark energy probe to see if it will reveal the positions of these potentially dangerous entities. “We know by our constant monitoring of Fox News Channel that they are definitely out there”, adds Hoobs, “Its just a matter of time before they reveal themselves. But rest assured, we are not a Sunday news show, so we will eventually get answers!”. He told reporters that the closest they have gotten to revealing the true nature and positions of these GOP candidates was the Trump.


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