The Clown Car Update for July 12, 2015

Posted: July 12, 2015 in New Post

This week on Episode 343 of the Tim Corrimal Show, Jeb Bush, often referred to as the “smart Bush”, has revealed his outline for America’s economic future.

We have to be a lot more productive, workforce participation has to rise from its all-time modern lows. It means that people need to work longer hours.

That’s right, America, you are lazy and need to put down the Nachos and get to work. Bush’s message: The Obamaride is over.

In an interview with the editorial board of New Hampshire’s “Wingnut Weekly”, Bush outlined his economic plan. It calls for 4% growth in the economy “as far as the eye can see”, and his beady little eyes see it this way.  To accomplish the goal of making Americans more productive,  he unveiled his economic plan called “Free American Workers”.  Under this plan, every American starting at the age of six will be required to work a minimum of 60 hours per week. His plan has two parts. First, on his first day in office, he will issue an executive order suspending all labor laws and the 13th Amendment. Second, he will ask congress to pass fast track legislation called the “Free American Workers Act” which will establish a system of involuntary servitude. Under this act, every American starting at the age of six would be required by law to register for service to a corporation. The selection board will be made up of former executives of Lehman Brothers.  Deferments would be given to children of wealthy and powerful families.

When asked how this frees American workers, Bush offered a correction:

You have a fundamental misunderstanding of my proposal.  It is not intended to free American workers, it is intended to force middle class and poor Americans to work free. Involuntary servitude  has been given a bad rap and  if America is to grow and prosper through the 21st Century, we have to start looking at 18th Century solutions

Bush sees the current state of the nation as lazy and unwilling to serve benevolent corporate job creators. He points to the animus aimed at the beleaguered Koch brothers as evidence that Americans are losing respect for their wealthy superiors.

“After we suspend the 13th Amendment, people will once again have the security of knowing exactly what they will be doing from the day they turn six to the day they die”.  Bush sees this revival of indentured servitude as a rekindling of the spirit of our founding fathers.  According to Bush, “They knew, for example, that slaves were happy working long hours for people who had no interest in their health or welfare.”  Bush pointed to the wonderful spirituals that the slaves sang in the fields, many of which are still popular today. “That’s one of the side benefits of forcing people to work long hours for nothing”, he said, “companies not only control the work force, but we get to listen to great songs as a bonus”.

And speaking of health and welfare, Bush sees his economic proposal as the solution to our budget problems and entitlement programs. “Think of it, if we reestablish involuntary servitude, we are at the same time ending the need for social programs”, Bush added. Under his plan, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and food assistance would be unnecessary.  For example, instead of Obamacare, the corporate owners would supply first aid kits to all bosses of work gangs.  In Bush’s view, this is the essence of freedom,  since decisions on health care distribution would be made on a local level.

And since workers would no longer retire, Social Security would be unnecessary. “Think of all the money to be saved by abolishing Social Security and disability payments”, Bush said. When asked how the elderly, children, and disabled would be taken care of,  Bush quickly pointed out that under his plan, they are automatically taken care of.

Everyone has a use. Look, you don’t have to be an young athlete to work on an assembly line or pick tomatoes.  All you need is the willingness to grab your walker and shuffle out to the fields or factory every day

But where do children come in? Bush says involuntary servitude is again the answer.

Once we have all the kids rounded up and working in janitorial apprenticeships,  as my new Secretary of Forced Labor, Newt Gingrich envisions, we will be able to  abolish the Department of Education and close our schools. Since private schools will suffice for the children of the corporate boards, public schools will be nothing but a liberal fantasy

In closing, Bush lamented how the workers in America have been let down by government policies that encourage them to think about themselves as entitled to shelter, food, and weekends off.  In his view, Americans long for the days when they could serve wealthy individuals with no compensation.

Just look at the popularity of “Downton Abby”,  Jeb said, “people love the idea of working in a basement and answering a bell whenever it rings. It is the American dream!

For further reading, the details of Bush’s economic plan can be found in the book “Oliver Twist”. Or in this song:

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